To Create Beauty Like He Does

I realized something tonight:

I am an artist.

When I was growing up I hated it when my family started calling me an "artist". I drew or brought home a painting and everyone would rave about how I was such an artist. At 10 years old I didn't buy it. In fact, I often said "Don't call me that. I'm not an artist."

No matter how many times my Mom tried to convince me that I was I didn't believe her. I mean, it's Mom afterall! She always says nice things like that.

I'm pretty sure I felt that way because I thought that being an "Artist" meant being famous or professional; great at what you do with art. I was such a beginner and knew nothing about art! Sure, I liked it. But I was no artist.

People would come over and admire my paintings, tell me how I was such the artist. I'd think to myself, 'Meh. Yeah...my teacher helped me a lot. I know what went into it. It's nothing crazy.'

When I was 16 and after spending 6 years at an art studio I took classes from once a week, my wonderful teacher asked me to help her teach the kids and be her assistant. Well, with this sort of thinking you can imagine my reaction. Sure, I liked kids, but help her teach?! There were SO many other teens in my class who were absolutely amazing to me and far surpassed my skill. But she chose me.

I accepted. Reluctantly. It was very tough in the beginning. And through the year and half that I helped her teach I still didn't feel confident at all. I asked her questions and when it came down to it she would just tell me straight out, "You can teach on your own, Bekka. You are more than capable."

Do you know what I thought?

'What are you talking about?! I feel helpless and like I know nothing!'

Needless to say I left that studio (to try and get a job elsewhere) feeling anything but confident. I prayed something like this for a long time:

"Lord...I don't want to teach. I know that I don't want to teach. It is the LAST THING I want to do for a job," and I'd often cry at this point, "But I know that someday this is what I'm going to do for a living. I just know it. Someday it will be. But for now please just let me know what I can do before then."

It wasn't until the first semester of 2011 that God pricked me in the way I thought he was gonna. I'm not sure what brought it on...and I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is that there were days and nights that I began to think about what I would teach kids if I could. From there, I knew that it was time for me to put myself out there.

For the first time, I felt confident I could teach. I prepared a class, had amazing students, and ended up loving it.

I didn't think this post was gonna go this way, but I think it went this way because I wanted to let whoever is reading this know that I have not always thought myself as any sort of artist and in fact- obviously- fought against being one! But the truth is...I am a BIG FAT ARTIST.

People are constantly asking me (including my husband) when I say "I am so busy" or "I have so much I want to do!" what it is that I am so busy with or want to do!

IT'S ART.

I want to draw! I want to write stories! I want to be a song writer! I want to sew! I want to paint! I want to be an animator! I want to be a singer! I want to be a blogger! I want to learn how to cook! I want to do every craft that you could possibly do at Michael's or Joanne's! I want to be a Photographer!

Just like someone who plays or learns music is a Musician.

Or someone who writes books is an Author.

Someone who acts is an Actor.

Someone who does sports is an Athlete.

And someone like me....who does art. Who loves art. Who thinks about art more than what's probably healthy for her.

I am an artist.

Just like the Lord brings the beauty of seasons in our lives...of days full of grace...of the sun that comes up and down each day...I wanna share with others how He makes me feel about all that He does.

I have a God...who created everything that exists around me and myself. I can't be spectacular like Him.

But I wanna be like Him.