Days of Grace

Late Valentines Day Gift

2012-02-16T20:47:00.000-08:00

AJ made me believe that he had gotten a shirt he wanted on this website. He fooled me. When we went to the Post Office to pick it up he handed it to me and had me open it to find this.

I thought it was a real lens at first! Then he made me open it.

It's a cup.

ISN'T IT AWESOME??! XD

Baby Cook

2012-02-15T17:49:00.000-08:00

I STINK AT COOKIIIIING!!! *facedesk*

Not only that, but I am so anxious to try new things! Which makes it worse that I fail. And I feel like I'm afraid I'm gonna do it wrong, so I'm not adventurous at the same time. I feel like the instructions are NEVER specific enough for me.

That's a picture of my rice cooker above...I'm trying it for the first time. My Mom has a Japanese Rice Cooker...so this one is weird to me. I'm sure it'll be fine....right? RIGHT? D=

I would be ashamed to write how few times I have actually been able to make dinner since I've been married...but it's humbling too. Everybody is gifted in different areas.

Yeah, my Mom taught me how to cook, but cooking is not her thing. Sometimes she'd have a difficult enough time preparing a meal let alone wanna drag me down to teach it to me. But dinner doesn't have to be extravagant, right? Besides, my Mom has other awesome gifts that I honestly think are way better than being some super chief. She's full of wisdom and discernment and I value our many many talks growing up more than the times she taught me cooking.

Rice just finished...it's too wet...ugh.

The more I think about the more I can see a future post about how God is gonna teach me something through this. He ALWAYS does, right?

I made lemonade for the first time (that I can remember) with my new juicer. That was exciting (I'm such a baby cook T_T).

I made some cookies from a cake-mix for AJ for Valentines day...I had tried baking him things (more like slaved over an oven...seriously) about 3 other times and they've come out not nearly as I wanted them to...So I didn't wanna fail this year. I just did ones I knew I could do. He was happy with it.

*sigh* I wish this wasn't something so hard. Why couldn't making meals be super easy and healthy? And lots of different choices (that were EASY)! I'll learn though...I'll learn.

How about "I Thought of You" Day?

2012-02-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

I wasn't gonna post anything today...But after reading what everyone has been saying or sharing, especially my friend Noelle on her blog, I guess I have a couple of things I'd like to say. =]

Which, before I go on to write about what's on my heart, I wanted to share how blessed I am by her friendship. I met Noelle at work, and the funny thing is, my first impression of her was that she was just into her education and seemed sort of "anti-relationship". Amazing how those impressions totally change! I very rarely get to work with Noelle since she more often works at night because she goes to school. But the times that I did became a blessing due to her always upbeat attitude and smile. I would be serving with her and I'd go back to the counter feeling exhausted and worked by difficult customers while she would come back just smiling with the same great attitude.

Our friendship really got close when we started texting each other. And although I have never actually been out to tea with her, or seen her outside of work (not one on one at least), it feels like I've really gotten to know her. She is so down-to-earth and her heart for the Lord encourages me. And, from what she's shared, it seems the feeling is mutual. Which makes is even more awesome to me. God is so kind.

My dearest friend, Joy, moved away to live out where her fiance is. Out of state. It won't officially hit me until after she gets married here and then they go live together in New Mexico. But as God took one of my dearest friends out of my life, He brought a new one. I feel so amazingly blessed by this. Just wanted to share.

My Mom never made Valentines Day a big deal. Like she said, she looks forward to the 22nd more (because every month my Dad gets her flowers on the date of their anniversary)! So whenever February 14th came around, I never looked around and felt keenly aware of how I was single and other people weren't. I feel like I was so blessed to see my parents' great marriage, that I was waiting for that season when I'd meet the right guy, rather than wishing I had someone to be with on this particular day.

I watch many people today and realize more how I believe that during this time, God just gave me grace to be content. Although I know that it is definitely legitimate to feel like you want a significant other and someone to be with and share tings with....I don't recall ever feeling overwhelmed by those feelings. It seemed, from things I read- even Paul in the Bible saying that it's better to be single- that God would bring me the right person. In the meantime, I wanted to use my time being single to the best of my ability.

Now that I am married I can testify even more so to that thought! I can't do the same things I could when I was single anymore. I have another person who I'm bound to now, and I have to share just about everything with him now. Although, AJ and I are definitely not the kind of couple that has to be together alllllll the time. We still desire to grow in our relationship together so we do a lot together! But my point is, I have to take him into consideration of just about everything I do. Whereas before, when you're single, you have no one else you have to consider when you are trying to figure out what you're wanting to do in your life. It really is a blessing to be single in that way.

I also have seen that God blesses us when we are truly content where we are at. It seems more often than not that those are the times when he brings that special person into our lives. Almost as though we're ready to have someone when we're finally content with being single.

The picture of the charm above is something that I was thinking about today for some reason. It's a phone charm...with little purple sand in it. I had actually had a green one that every so often I'd find in my drawer and pray over it for a couple of years just as a reminder to be praying for my future husband. Before AJ and I were in our "Dateship" I found it again, and even though I originally wanted to give it my husband, I just felt like I should give it to him. (It was DESTINY. Haha, just kidding...sort of. >.>) He wore that little charm around his wrist for a while. One day he came to me and very sadly told me that the little glass had broken off sometime when he was in school and he didn't know until later. He was really devastated cause he knew how important it was. It was a little hard for me but I got over it after a while.

A few days ago I gave him this other one that I had prayed over after the other one had broken. Most guys, I think, would think this is kind of silly and weird...but I am still so touched that it meant that much to AJ too.

My point in sharing, honestly, is just to encourage my single friends to be praying for your future spouse! They do appreciate it. And I think it helps to be excited for what God is doing in both your life and theirs when you don't know who it is!

Most people think Valentines Day is about fancy or special dates, flowers , chocolate and romantic things. Haha, I love my husband. Last year AJ bought me Mythical Shoes (which I LOVE) for Valentines Day. This year he bought me this memory card for my camera. It's 16GB! I only own 8GB cards. =) I had told him how I had always wanted one and so it was SO fun sitting at my computer and finding this and a note waiting there for me. Like I said- I LOVE my husband.

Valentines Day, to me, is just a day to share some love with someone. Maybe they won't be your "Valentine", but everyone loves to get a little love. =) I mean, I gave Sammi a Valentines Day present. =) Haha. Forget it being "couples day". I say it should be "Give a little love and/or present" day.

They should have a "I thought of you" day. Psh- yeah right! We can do that any day. So like I said, forget about the stereotypical view of Valentines Day, just view it as another day to let someone know you care. You don't have to say "Happy Valentines Day" to do that. =)

Pictures & Words

2012-02-06T22:57:00.000-08:00

Most people throw away cards after they get 'em.

I keep most of mine.

While I was putting these up tonight I got tears in my eyes thinking about how I will be looking at these Wedding cards and be reminded of the amazing gift of my husband, AJ, whom I adore. It will remind me of the promises I've made, the verses remind me of what love truly is, and the amount of cards makes me feel so loved by all the people I received them from.

During my courtship and my wedding I didn't really view it as super romantic because I was enthralled in the comfort of just being with AJ that was such a unique experience for me with any guy. But now that I get to look back and really view it for what it is, listening to love songs at home while he's away working , it really is awesome.

Most people know, but I have this week off of work. I hope to use this time to get done so much of what I've been wanting to since I got married. I have worked on so much already today I am really excited for how it's going. I've been able to worship and really see how much I need to be talking to my Lord. And I've been actually able to feel relaxed a midst getting things done.

Things like organizing my wedding cards, doing my Thank You notes, going to Social Security to change my last name and organize my home. And that's just today! I am feeling blessed and very thankful so far.

Also on Sunday night, the girls who were at College Group all prayed for me for my stress and emotions and I was really blessed by that! Their hands on me and their sincere words touched my heart. Thank you, Val, Jill, Sarah, Lauren, Amy and Mom.

I'm hoping it will only get better...and I'll be able to have my arms and hands outstretched so only Christ can shine through me.

To Create Beauty Like He Does

2012-01-24T22:29:00.000-08:00

I realized something tonight:

I am an artist.

When I was growing up I hated it when my family started calling me an "artist". I drew or brought home a painting and everyone would rave about how I was such an artist. At 10 years old I didn't buy it. In fact, I often said "Don't call me that. I'm not an artist."

No matter how many times my Mom tried to convince me that I was I didn't believe her. I mean, it's Mom afterall! She always says nice things like that.

I'm pretty sure I felt that way because I thought that being an "Artist" meant being famous or professional; great at what you do with art. I was such a beginner and knew nothing about art! Sure, I liked it. But I was no artist.

People would come over and admire my paintings, tell me how I was such the artist. I'd think to myself, 'Meh. Yeah...my teacher helped me a lot. I know what went into it. It's nothing crazy.'

When I was 16 and after spending 6 years at an art studio I took classes from once a week, my wonderful teacher asked me to help her teach the kids and be her assistant. Well, with this sort of thinking you can imagine my reaction. Sure, I liked kids, but help her teach?! There were SO many other teens in my class who were absolutely amazing to me and far surpassed my skill. But she chose me.

I accepted. Reluctantly. It was very tough in the beginning. And through the year and half that I helped her teach I still didn't feel confident at all. I asked her questions and when it came down to it she would just tell me straight out, "You can teach on your own, Bekka. You are more than capable."

Do you know what I thought?

'What are you talking about?! I feel helpless and like I know nothing!'

Needless to say I left that studio (to try and get a job elsewhere) feeling anything but confident. I prayed something like this for a long time:

"Lord...I don't want to teach. I know that I don't want to teach. It is the LAST THING I want to do for a job," and I'd often cry at this point, "But I know that someday this is what I'm going to do for a living. I just know it. Someday it will be. But for now please just let me know what I can do before then."

It wasn't until the first semester of 2011 that God pricked me in the way I thought he was gonna. I'm not sure what brought it on...and I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is that there were days and nights that I began to think about what I would teach kids if I could. From there, I knew that it was time for me to put myself out there.

For the first time, I felt confident I could teach. I prepared a class, had amazing students, and ended up loving it.

I didn't think this post was gonna go this way, but I think it went this way because I wanted to let whoever is reading this know that I have not always thought myself as any sort of artist and in fact- obviously- fought against being one! But the truth is...I am a BIG FAT ARTIST.

People are constantly asking me (including my husband) when I say "I am so busy" or "I have so much I want to do!" what it is that I am so busy with or want to do!

IT'S ART.

I want to draw! I want to write stories! I want to be a song writer! I want to sew! I want to paint! I want to be an animator! I want to be a singer! I want to be a blogger! I want to learn how to cook! I want to do every craft that you could possibly do at Michael's or Joanne's! I want to be a Photographer!

Just like someone who plays or learns music is a Musician.

Or someone who writes books is an Author.

Someone who acts is an Actor.

Someone who does sports is an Athlete.

And someone like me....who does art. Who loves art. Who thinks about art more than what's probably healthy for her.

I am an artist.

Just like the Lord brings the beauty of seasons in our lives...of days full of grace...of the sun that comes up and down each day...I wanna share with others how He makes me feel about all that He does.

I have a God...who created everything that exists around me and myself. I can't be spectacular like Him.

But I wanna be like Him.

Clear Skies Again

2012-01-02T23:20:00.001-08:00

Well we finally have a night with no fog again. It seemed like God was really clouding the way for everyone this weekend. Lots of unknowns ahead. Wonder what he will have in store.

Ya know, a big part of me feels like I've accomplished a lot. In fact...the more I think about it the more I realize my dream ever since I was a child came true. I wanted to be a wife and mother. So far I'll be waiting on the mother part...but I was never one to have some sort of dream- like to be teacher or a Doctor or anything like that. But I knew I wanted to get married and be a stay-at-home mom.

So, in a sense a big part of my dream has happened! I am so thankful the Lord had it come about. It happened quick and unsuspectingly! But it's great. And I feel like I a big part of me feels settled and very peaceful. I feel like a lot of pressure has been taken off and I feel like I've got so much ahead to learn and grow in.

I feel truly blessed. And I hope that this year, whoever is reading this, that your seasons of life will be true blessings to you too! Be it joys or trials- or both!

Life's a Happy Song

2011-12-31T13:11:00.000-08:00

I usually don't like posting on my blog if I don't have a bunch of pictures...'cause I think more people will actually read it if it's got pictures and not so long. But I figured, if people really wanna know, they'd wanna read it. So I'm just gonna post.

Where to start?

Well, it's been almost 2 months since my last post and I couldn't possibly write about everything. My wedding went great. Was sooo rushed but very fun. AJ and I really enjoyed our honeymoon and had some cool adventures that weekend like having a Disney Fine Artist draw something for us when we met him at the front desk of our hotel (I'll have to post the picture sometime! Or you'll have to see it at my house). Life hasn't slowed down till now.

This weekend is the first time we've been able to actually choose what we wanna do. AJ had some days to burn before the end of the year so we have had a little vacation spending time together. It has been really nice. First time I can actually blog!

If I were to explain what life has been like you'd probably get tired just reading it. Running around all the time, trying to get our place in order, get the things we don't have, work almost everyday, keeping up with laundry, buying Christmas presents, going to see family, getting rest and sleep, paperwork etc. Life is crazy...but God has been so gracious and given us so many blessings and taught us so many things. I always looks forward to what he wants to teach us next. Since the holidays are over, we are doing a LOT better! I'm finally able to actually do some things I really enjoy. I'm looking forward to picking up my camera again and teaching some art. =)

Lately, AJ and I have been into the Muppets since we watched the new movie. We love that movie. It made us want to know those characters. For Christmas we got the first 3 seasons of the Muppet Show and later on we bought 5 of the movies. Because my family was never really Muppet fans, I didn't really care for them. So it is fun discovering such classic characters with my hubby in our little family. =) So far my favorite Muppet is Rowlf the Dog. AJ is not sure who his favorite is. =) I think he likes 'em all.

Like Gary and Walter sing in the Muppets movie, "I've got everything that I neeeeed right in front of me!" and "Life's a happy song when there's someone by my side to sing along!"

2 Weeks

2011-11-06T21:33:00.000-08:00

Hello, peoples who read my blog!

So as I am sitting thinking about how everyone is seeing what is going in my life I realized- I hope my girlfriends who are not as close to getting married aren't being discouraged!

My life is crazy full of stress right now. But like I've been saying, it's not the "freakin' out" kinda stressed, it's the "I feel the pressure" kinda stressed. So when I say I'm stressed, I'm not freaking out and such. There's just things to do!

But I wanted to make sure that I clarified so that my dear young ladies who aren't in this season aren't fearful of of it when it does come!

Every bride is gonna be different. Every woman, family, time of year, circumstance and choice you make will be different! Some women will choose to do the standard things. Some, like me, will choose to customize almost everything. Just wedding cake? No thanks, let me make it way more complicated and choose several different desserts. Just one or two themed colors? Let's do 4. I make it more and more complicated the more I customize it. So the stress that I experience and the difficulty I experience is because of the choices I've made. If you wanna invite 150 rather than 550 it's gonna make it a lot easier! =] Haha.

It has been so much fun and such an adventure being able to work with the budget my parents gave me for my wedding. It has been extremely challenging as time goes by to make so many choices...I'm very tired of making choices. But I have to! And I have to get stuff done. Finding the things for mine and AJ's home has been an adventure as well! I thought it would be easy finding furniture...haha, I was wrong! When it comes to finding things you like that match- it can be a challenge!

So when tonight ends, it'll be 11 days till our wedding. So technically, less than 2 weeks for sure! This Saturday we'll be moving into our new apartment (AJ will live there, I'll just move my stuff in!) and the next we'll be on our honeymoon! It's coming quick. I'm really excited and very anxious. If those of you who read this could pray that I will get rest and heal from this cold that's holdin' onto me I would so appreciate it! Thanks!

The Only Year

2011-10-20T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hello all my dear friends who read this!

So on Monday, AJ and I celebrated 1 year of being in our CourtDateship. It will be our only year of being in our relationship. Next year will be our other first year of being married.

We didn't do anything special. In fact it wasn't until I was going to bed that I realized I really did wish we had done more. But I was thankful to the Lord for all he had done in this last year. It doesn't feel like it's been a year to most people who have interacted with us, or to us! Being together hasn't felt like weeks and months passing by...just some time.

AJ did happen to get me some flowers. Then he told me, "Then after I bought I realized you might not like them. I liked the big orange flower in the middle. But you don't like orange."

Haha, he's right. I don't like orange. They're beautiful though since it's fall and I thought it was very funny.

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks till we get married. I get more and more excited as I think only a few more weekends before I get to be with AJ every weekend.

The Lord has been very kind to us and I hope that we get to grow and learn so much more together in a way that draws us closer to Him. I know we will. Cause that's what he promises. I put all my faith in that. As I get ready for my wedding I stop sometimes and think about how I don't know what I would do without the Lord. If I didn't have anyone to thank for AJ I would probably explode or something. He has always been such a blessing to me and I am always so surprised at the littlest things that make him so compatible for me that when I think about the big things I'm just so overwhelmed.

Well, he's up north finishing up his last few days in school for work and this post is making me miss him even more so I think I'll end it at that! ;) Just wanted to share some!

Thanks so much for reading!

New Template

2011-10-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Just posting a new template since I kinda wanted a change and bright colors instead...it could change again though.

So much has been going on. Got lots to share...but no pictures and not quite yet.

Also, just curious as to who reads this? I just like sharing, but it's nice to know who actually reads what I share. If you could comment "Me" or just anything in the comment box or on Facebook that'd really mean a lot to me.

Thanks!

Aw.

2011-09-16T22:58:00.001-07:00

My hunny went to our church's Men's Retreat this weekend. I only got to see him and say a quick goodbye when he came for lunch at Chick-Fil-A.

I came home and saw this beautiful thing on my desk with a little sticky note that said, "63 More Days". =]

I think they're my favorite...thank you sweetheart.

Doing What I Love

2011-09-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

I was dreading having to work before and after I got married. I knew that I had to work to pass the time for now, but when I realized that, until we had children and I was too busy or not feeling well, I had to work.

Ugh...work.

I have so many things that I want to spend my time doing other than work.

I know a lot of people who spend their time when they're not working not knowing what to do. That's a foreign thought to me. God made me to like a lot of different things and to want to have my fingers in everything interesting.

As I prayed over and over again to find a job for so many reasons at the beginning of this year, feeling hopeless, I ended up getting a job at Aeropostale. It was a difficult journey with this job in particular...but I learned a lot, getting out of my comfort zone and dealing with customers.

I thought that I was gonna absolutely hate working when I got married.

But God changed my thinking. He blew me away with the first job I've had that I absolutely love. Not only did I feel like he was answering my prayers...but he was just being the kind and gracious God that he was. And-he is good and kind no matter what he brings me through. I hope that I will be able to say that if he takes this job away. But I wanted to thank him in particularly tonight for giving me this job.

I LOVE my job at Chick-Fil-A.

That nagging feeling of "Oh man, I have to work." doesn't come often at all (I'll admit work is work sometimes, and it is tough when you wanna do other things). I am more often excited to go to work than not. Time goes by fast, customers are usually pleasant, my co-workers are fun and loveable and I enjoy serving and all I get to do.

I am SO thankful for this job. God knew what I would love and I had no idea.

I've never had a dream or goal.

Since I was little my dream was what I was going to be (Lord willing): a wife and mother.

Very typical. Nothing too crazy. I thought, shooting for anything else really was dreaming. What if I couldn't become that thing? Would becoming a famous designer, famous artist, CEO for Disneyland or a voice actress be realistic?

I never believed in all of those "Believe in yourself and all of your dreams will come true" sayings. I may be a huge Disney fan, but that part of Disney is certainly a fantasy.

What I do believe is that if you believe that God will provide for you all you need through Christ, and submit your life and time to him and his will, he will bless you in more ways than one. Like give you a job at a high class fast food restaurant where you get to serve and interact with people.

I am 20 years old and now doing what I love. And I am so thankful.

Where will God bring me next?

D23 Expo 2011!

2011-08-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

I got the privilege to go to the 2nd bi-annual D23 Expo at the Anaheim Convention Center this year. And although I would've been willing to pay the discount price for being a member, Mrs. Deyarmond was kind enough to get us even CHEAPER tickets- and because I took her daughter, Jillian's, senior pictures I got them free! It was a huge blessing!

Here are some photos from the day!

Day 1, Friday, Mom and Dad woke up early (but not early enough! haha!) to get to the Expo to wait in line. A lady bug decided to join us by hopping on Mom's hair. lol.

The reason I say not early enough is because the line was looooong. And D23 members got to go in a whole hour before. So the first hour, D23 members piled in non-stop, and I didn't know at the time that because I was a member even though I didn't have a member "ticket" I still could've gone in. Haha.

Our first line of many.

I actually didn't think we'd make it into this session, but we did! God was so gracious! And right before we went in Jillian and AJ joined us (Mrs. D got 5 tickets per day). I didn't have any pictures of them this day because I had a little episode with AJ and it made the rest of the day quite rough. =\ But God worked it out.

So we got to watch the Legends Ceremony! I could say a lot about this but basically, Disney gives awards and names people as "Disney Legends" because of their involvement and achievements through the Disney company, people like Regis Felbman, Jim Henson (whom his children took the award since he's passed), Jodi Benson (Ariel's voice) and 4 other of the Disney princesses were given the award. Jodi Benson gave all glory to God and it was amazing.

After that we just walked around and looked at all of the stuff.

Day 2, Saturday, AJ and Jared joined me! It was revealed to me by a Cast Member that even if I had general tickets, I could show my membership and get us in. So we got in the first line!

It was still a line though...haha.

After the main session for the Walt Disney Studios (which was AMAZING and they didn't let us bring our cameras in. lol) we came out and met with Jillian and Daniel for a little while for lunch! Then we went out separate ways again.

Waited in more lines. lol. This one was for one of the stores.

This was the check out line for the store. Which Jared could've sat down with AJ too but he was stubborn and stayed in line with me. Weirdi!

This is China Anne McClain from the series ANT Farm.

See, Jared is pointing at her! lol!

After that we looked around some more, I shopped, and then we headed home.

Day 3, the final day on Sunday, AJ and Andrew joined me!

These are the artists for the new movie coming out called Brave. Which looks amazing!!!

This is Paige O'Hara. Belle's voice. =) She was awarded as a Legend this year as well.

Phineas and Ferb shrubs! lol!

Lightning McQueen all Lego-ed out! =D

As you can probably tell, Sammi joined us later! And so did Tess!

Again with the lines. XD

We got to watch a really neat session on how Star Tours: The Adventure Continues was made. The ride had been going through the creation and change since 1998!! That's just crazy!

Overall this year wasn't too insane...but it was very cool. Got to see stars like Billy Crystal, Robert Downy Jr. and Jennifer Garner which was cool. Fun shopping times. And good times with friends. Hopping it stays at the Anaheim Convention Center next time and doesn't move to Florida! We'll see. =)

I'm bringing Jared with me to more places. =] I love my cousin.

My Crazy Life

2011-07-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today...I have 6 things I'd like to talk about.

This post will be long.

But I guarantee if you read it all...you will learn about what's going on in my life.

------------------------------------------------------------

I got a call on Tuesday the week before last by the Owner/Operator of the Chick-Fil-A on Bristol. She joyfully and enthusiastically offered me a job as a Server at their restaurant. I was honored!

Maybe two weeks earlier I stopped by the very same place to say goodbye to John. He was an older man who was a Server there during the lunch hour. He was the sweetest man and displayed and exampled Christ-like joy and kindness in the utmost way. Full of humility and just a tad quirky ( ;) ) he was loved by many regulars there. It took only a few visits to become acquainted with him and to find out he was a brother in Christ. When AJ was working for his Dad we would frequent there for both the food, and to see John.

The staff at the restaurant was throwing him a going away party then. AJ and I only knew about this through Facebook, and since AJ worked, I was the only one who could go to see him. I didn't know why he was leaving but I excitedly brought him an invitation to our wedding. When I gave it to him he was touched and said, "Aw, this is so sweet of you." and paused to say, "But I'm gonna be up north. I'm moving to live with my son."

Honestly...I had a lump in my throat immediately and had to hold back tears with all my might. Even talking about it now brings tears. He gladly accepted it and said he'd treasure it still.

It would've been my pleasure and joy to share the picture that I took with him that was on my cell phone...but for reasons completely unknown to me, God decided to take the precious picture away with my cell phone that was stolen not a week later. It was probably one of the most treasured things on there for me...but I am trusting the Lord that He had his purposes for taking that away.

And like I said, maybe two weeks later I got called in to take the same job. And as I look at my schedule I choke up every time as I know that I am standing in for John now. And his legacy and example of Christ is something I hope to follow and continue.

I've gotten to work a little over a week there now and quit Aero as soon as I heard the words "Five days a week for about six hours a day"! Full time! With a regular schedule! WOW!

The job is, I think, even better than getting a job at Disneyland. I think Disneyland would've had the same atmosphere as Chick-Fil-A does in the olden days; a team that is so close they're like family and work together to keep the enthusiasm and smiles constantly coming. I LOVE my job. And although work is always work, I can't help but constantly have a smile on my face while I'm there.

And I cannot express how much having a regular schedule as opposed to such an irregular and sometimes "On-Call" schedule...It's amazing. I don't even know what to do with myself.

God is good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As I've said in earlier posts, I never thought that I would like to teach, let alone teach in general. I thought: This is a last resort.

Boy has that changed!

God has given me confidence and so much grace to be able to get ideas and spent the past 8 weeks teaching a group of 9 Junior High and High Schoolers, Art. It has been a fun journey and they've taught me a lot. =) The class has gone even better than I hoped! And as soon as I get married and settled I hope to do it more! Everyone at Chick-Fil-A is so kind in working around what I need. So I don't work on Thursdays so I can teach. =)

I've been teaching them everything from old classics to new classics!

I've heard really encouraging things too so it has been really neat. =)

God is good.

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For the last, about, month or so, I have been taking Physical Therapy. I went because I was getting very frequent stress headaches coming from my neck and ached on my shoulders often.

From what we guess it is mostly because my stress and strain build up in my neck and shoulders. My posture also doesn't help strengthen that. So I met twice a week with my therapist and got to know her and her assistant while I was there. I spent an hour per day there and learned a new stretch almost every day I went there. Learned funny things like this "Chin Tuck" which is very awkward with my second chin....

I just finished up this past Wednesday and am going to miss that fun atmosphere in that room with the neat therapists and the old people who can't hear very well. Haha! But it helped my tremendously as I haven't gotten a headache in a very long time, and it usually only tenses up when I'm stressed. But even when it does, when I do my stretches it relieves it almost completely. Praise God for people who can help with things like that! =)

God is good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On Thursday I had a crazy afternoon/evening.

My plan was to go up to Pasadena/Alhambra to see AJ while he's up there for school/work to go out to dinner with some co-workers of his and their ladies. But plans could possibly change as AJ's friend, Dan, was in the hospital and he wanted to visit him.

I bought him Sweet Tea from Chick-Fil-A (a gallon. =) ) and headed out pretty much as soon as my art class ended at about 3:30pm.

Now, I've made pictures and maps of this trip because it was the craziest I've ever done in my entire life. Follow with me here....

This is a map of the northern part of southern California. The area I've highlighted in red is the area I normally drive. Pretty much all of it is the 405 or the 5 freeway.

So at 3:30 I was off! I knew that in order to get where he was I just had to take the 405, 605 and the 210. So from my house I drove up and after talking to AJ once and making sure I was going the right way I jumped onto the 405 and the 605. On this map right here, right about at that point AJ called, "Let's meet right off the 10 so we can caravan to see Dan at the hospital."

So I thought, ok, sure!

So I drove, found the 10, got on it and jumped right off it. I drove off the side and it was kind of an industrial area in Baldwin. I called him and got a beeping busy signal.

Called him again and got the same signal immediately.

O_O

Called him again...busy signal.

Ok...now even for someone being on the other line, cell phones aren't like that anymore. They still ring even if you're talkin' to someone else.

Texted him...no response.

Finally I called my Dad after about 15 minutes and I told him where I was and that I was freakin' out a little. He told me to just wait there and relax. 5 minutes later, AJ was on the other line.

I picked it up.

"You scared me!"

"I'm sorry! It didn't even ring...weird."

So then he goes on to tell me that he's on his way but stuck in bad traffic.

"It's gonna be like a half hour."

Me: D=

So he encouraged me to go looking around. So I drove further down and thought, there's gotta be something normal or food somewhere on the other side. So I drove over the freeway, and sure enough, there was a Target.

TARGET!!!!!!

I'M SAFE NOW!

AJ called and I told him. So I got out, walked around a bit, and then came back out to go over to the Taco Bell on the corner to get some food since I was starving. When I got to my car AJ had just parked next to me so we drove over to Taco Bell, ate, I gave him his Sweet Tea (which he was excited about) and tried to calm down after bein' shaken up.

Once we were all set AJ told me we needed to get on the 10. For some reason though...he kept going side streets. I trusted him though and didn't say anything. We took this whole side street area and about 20 minutes later came up to a Marukai (a Japanese Hawaiian store that we have near us and in Torrance). I got all excited, called him and pointed, "A Marukai!"

"Yeah. That's why I took you this long way. Haha."

"Hunny...did you take me down the long way of the long way."

"Yeah...haha."

"Let's get on the freeway."

So we quickly switched phones on the side of the road because his was dying and the charger wouldn't work in his car. Then we were off.

About an hour later we made it to Loma Linda. We had to get some directions after we got off the freeway, but we did. At the same time Wendy (Dan's wife) called to say that he couldn't have visitors till 8 since he was getting his bed changed. We looked at the clock:

6:50pm.

Man.

So we went to the hospital, found out where his room was even if we couldn't see him yet, and then left to go maybe find some food. And in the hospital (he was on the 8th floor) they had a horrible elevator that had way too much lag time when it stopped. Made us both all wobbly. =P

So we waited for an hour sittin' in the back of my car with the trunk up and this was about the only time we got to sit and talk about our week and what was going on in our lives.

When it hit 8 we walked up and went to see Dan. The Nurse was very sweet.

Dan is actually one of AJ's groomsman for our wedding. He is a bit older and has been like a surrogate father to him. He's married and has 2 boys and tree trims for a living in Wrightwood. A few days earlier he had fallen 20ft, broken his arm, his spleen had burst and his colon had also been injured both causing internal bleeding that made him get surgery right away.

When we walked in he was asleep. He laid there with a neck brace, braces on his knees and one on his arm. His face had bruises and his lip had stitches. It was a hard thing to see. The nurse told us we could go and talk to him. AJ went up and said hi but he didn't respond.

Then nurse said, "Daniel, you have visitors." then whispered to AJ, "tell him who you are."

"Hey Dan. It's AJ."

Dan opened his eyes to see him and lifted his hand up. AJ took it and smiled. That was the only time he opened his eyes for us while we were there. He was sedated and so we let him sleep with the drugs.

That was about when everything hit me and I had to leave the room to breathe. I grew pale quickly and just had to calm down. After about 10 minutes I came back and AJ came out and had to sit down and calm down as well. After he was ok he went and asked the nurse what would happen next and she told us he would just be frequently checked on (the next day he could breathe on his own). Finally, AJ said he couldn't stay and neither could I so we left.

Because AJ was so shaken up he wanted to just sit somewhere to talk and calm down. We drove around for about 15 minutes before we stopped. I was unfamiliar with the area, it was dark, he was shaken up, I was really uncomfortable. So we got gas and by this time I was on survival mode since he was pretty much down. Finally I said we needed to just go back to where he was staying, talk for a little while, then I had to get home before my curfew. He agreed with sniffles.

So we jumped onto the 215. Originally, we were supposed to junction onto the 210 where this red circle is...but because of construction somehow we missed it. So he pulled aside to get off. I was freaking out 'cause I thought something had gone wrong with his car. But he looked at me when we parked and said, "I can't find it!"

That's when he let it all out. Poor thing. =\ It was getting harder every minute. But I hugged him and yelled, "God is good God is good!" preaching to both him and myself through this circumstance.

So I called Dad. I told him where we were and asked for the best way to get back. We talked and AJ agreed and said he knew where we need to go now as we looked at the map on his phone. So we gathered ourselves and headed out.

We had to drive up to the 15 and then go back down it....*facepalm* Then we drove for a little over an hour to Pasadena.

The time we had to actually sit and be together while we were there was about 15-20 minutes.
We cried together and talked about Dan and what had happened. Then I had to leave for home before midnight.

I got home at about 12:15am and plopped into my bed.

It was pure insanity.

But God is good.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

So as far as wedding planning goes...it's goin'! Lol! I'm kind of still at the beginning stages but ready to move along and make things happen. Mrs. Cardinas has been a tremendous help to me and getting ideas with her and Mom has been very fun. =)

(I didn't take this photo)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And last but not least, one of the more difficult things that's happening in my life is that my sister is moving out. Our whole family struggles together and there are many talks and many tears. I don't have a lot to say about it...except to mention it as it is probably the hardest thing in my life right now. We would appreciate your prayers.

So that's my crazy life! Thank you so much if you read it all. I really appreciate that you do. =)

Bounding Toward the Cliff

2011-06-28T01:11:00.000-07:00

Life is a walk.

A walk where we are either heading toward Heaven or Hell.

In this walk of faith or disbelief, for me I am heading toward my Heavenly Father. In this race of faith I am striving to run as fast as I can toward the goal. To the best of my ability and not staggering (though I do in my weakness) or taking my own sweet time. I press on. And I’ve pressed on hard for as long as I can remember.

Marriage is like leaping off a cliff holding onto your spouse’s hand and not knowing quite what to expect after that.

What attracts most people to marriage is that exciting feeling of jumping off. Though to me that sounds like an adrenaline I could do without, it’s something people absolutely love. I’d equivilate that in this illustration to the feelings of being in love. They come on only in a moment and, though they may be there for the rest of the ride, are not as strong as that first step. But that feeling is amazing!

In an attempt to make that crazy leap (or “big step” as people seem to call it!) I tied myself to AJ Greene. Just like a three-legged race. Taking slow steps and getting used to how we step, how fast we go, what precautions we take, the weaknesses we have, be it a lack of awareness of the others around us or the attitudes we have during the race (it can be numerous things), and we started to find patterns that fit for us.

Step…step…

Soon it became a rhythm that came naturally between our steps.

Step, step, step, step.

Trust was built between those steps and as we both looked up in the direction of the Father he guided those steps. When one was weak, the other seemed strong. A grace that was notable.

Step, step, bound, bound, bound!

AJ and I have spent the past 8 months focusing most of our time on this race. Rather than wanting those exciting thrills of just being next to each other or wanting to leap off that cliff so badly we have gazed upon the Lord who draws us to himself and have striven to listen to how he says we should walk.

For that, he has blessed us.

In November of this year, unlike the lose string we have practiced with, AJ and I will bind unbreakable bands to each other (represented in the rings) in a commitment of trust and faith.

Many people, especially the world, views how quickly we are bounding toward that cliff of marriage as foolishness and that we need to spend years and years learning and getting used to each other. But as AJ wraps his arm around me and we run faster and faster toward it we smile in excitement for the unknown future, trusting that, just as God has brought us this far, he will lead us the whole rest of the way.

And we’ll fly!

"It's a Big Step!"

2011-06-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

I love how people say this. =] It makes me laugh. And most of the time I get it in a "Do you know? Do you know how truly big of a step you are taking by doing this?"

I just reply by saying, "Yep! It is."

On June 11th, my Dad's birthday, my boyfriend AJ asked me to marry him.

Since then we've shared the news with friends and family and I have gotten the question "How did he propose?!" a lot! I don't get the chance to tell everyone so I decided to make a post about it. That, and what God has been doing in my life since then!

For as long as we have been in a relationship AJ and I have had this ongoing joke that when he does something silly, funny or crazy I shake my head and say, "What am I gonna do with you?" he very quickly replies, "Marry me!!" I've always thought that was funny because he's been very serious about me from the very beginning.

Well we had talked about marriage before we were engaged, about how we wanted to wait till he got the job at Edison and I needed to figure out what I was going to do to earn income as well. When he finally got the words, "You're hired!" (because it was a long painful process of many "probably"s) I knew that we would be able to head toward marriage soon.

God really brought me through a lot through the next 3 weeks of waiting. I didn't know what he was waiting for or why we weren't engaged yet but during the time AJ ended up saying some things that comforted me and helped me to wait and trust him and the Lord.

Finally, on the way to Red Robin, after Nika and the girls' dance recital, we were rocking out to one of our favorite metal songs and I was being really silly (more than normal, haha) and as we pulled into the parking lot he said to me, "What am I gonna do with you?" and I replied, "Marry me! I thought that was the plan?"

He reached into his pocket and goes, "Ok, how about we do that now?" and pulled out the ring box and opened it and said, "Bekka, will you marry me?

And I said, "Yes, of course!"

After thinking about it so long I thought that when it happened I'd probably not cry 'cause I knew it was coming. But I ended up being so happy I didn't even really look at the ring for a while 'cause I was hugging him and bawling!

Turns out he was getting my ring custom made. I love it. =] It's so pretty.

Anyways. Since then this past week and the beginning of this week as been more stressful than I was anticipating...

Even still I don't feel stressed in the "AHHH everything's out of control!" but more of a "Oh geez there is so much unsettled.". I'd say I feel more overwhelmed than stressed. But yesterday my neck hurt and I got a terrible tension headache that kept me from working. I'd say that was a sign I was stressed...even if I was trusting God is gonna work it out. It's a really really weird dynamic.

AJ has, from the get-go, been so not particular about ANYTHING. He says to give him his clothes and he'll be there. But when I was talking about where I wanted to get married there was a huge halt screeching sound. "I don't really like that. I wanna get married in someplace beautiful!" Took me a while to figure out what "beautiful" to AJ was, but when I found out I knew it was gonna be a hunt. He's such a mountain man spoiled by his wooden/cabin church he grew up in.

Since then I've looked at at least 15-20 different churches in Orange County. That includes some I saw online and knew right away he wouldn't like, and churches I stopped by while driving around. Initially that number doesn't seem that big...but if you think literally of 15 different churches in a row and going into them and talking to the people inside one at a time...it's a lot.

We have found about 3 different churches that he has said, "That's beautiful." to, but all of them have issues. 1 was to far away, 2 we can't use our own Pastor, and 3 it can't hold the amount of people. Number 3 is still pending because it is the most feasible as long as we work on the guestlist. We are stuck with that one and the one I like, which is more modern and just about the opposite of what he likes. Haha. He thinks it's pretty, but not his style.

This church hunt on top of trying to make sure all of my bridesmaids dresses and mine are being made it has been very tiring. I honestly wanna just say one thing is solid besides the date.

I know this already turning into a long post, but I wanted to share how much God has been showing me different perspectives on marriage and weddings as I am going along. It makes me kinda wish I had researched and learned more about them before I was engaged and pressed for time. But He is working it all out, and I just hope that we glorify Him in the wedding. He is pouring blessing upon blessing into our lives and it is so great to see his work in our lives.

Focusing on each others character and seeing how both compatible we are and where our walk is with the Lord has given AJ and I a very strong foundation for our relationship. Not to mention there is this unique comfortableness and understanding of the other. As much as I am excited to get married to him, at this point I am looking forward to seeing all of the people at my wedding. As soon as the wedding is over and we leave it is going to be a ridiculously fun time and beginning of a lifelong friendship and partnership. =]

So excited!

Watching the Seasons Go By

2011-06-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I finished writing on both sides of 70 pages of this journal of mine. It begins in August of '09 and finished yesterday, June '11.

In this particular journal (for I've had many) I have probably the craziest months of my life so far. So many joys and sorrows were written of in this book. Words that tell of the part of the story of time that I was involved in. Where God chose to bring me along in this timeline and world. My young adulthood stages.

Granted, I'm still a young adult. But this was my first experiences with it. I read the whole thing today and am just amazed at what God does. How he teaches and grows us, and how often we think we know ourselves so well when the next day God can change us. It reminded me of those little things that happen that we forget about that made us laugh so hard, of the trials we thought would never end and are now over.

Of time gone by.

The next season after this past one is the season I'm in. All I can see is what happened before in the past, and what I can only predict in my mortal and limited mind on this earth. It always turns out different so I feel like I shouldn't even put the future as an option. It's always pending! Haha. God has his plans. But it's definitely weird to think that while I write about the times now...I'll look back on them like I did my past today. The moments now will become memories. Things forgotten. Like right now as I write...I will forget what it felt like. Even though it feels so real and important right now.

It's just crazy to think about.

Anyway. I just wanted to share how memories are crazy and that I see some more craziness in the seasons ahead. AJ started his job yesterday and I am beginning to see a little glimpse, I think, of why God gave me the Dad that he did. =) Good practice.

Those Little Things

2011-05-27T00:20:00.000-07:00

Today I was feeling very irritable and emotional. Just feel like a lot is goin' on.

AJ went to the bike shop while I was cleaning and came back with these to try and help me feel better.

Just wanted to share my blessings.

Taking a Day at a Time

2011-05-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

So...this morning when I woke up I knew that my heart has just been in the completely wrong place lately.

I've been selfish and have had lack of self control and done whatever I've been wanting to do. It hasn't felt like that outright, but I knew that this was what I was doing. God's best wasn't in my intentions and motivations for anything I had been doing lately. I was just waiting for his timing and not doing anything to try and glorify and please him while I was waiting.

So I need a heart check...I need to speak the Gospel to myself. So from the creation of time to Jesus' resurrection and the promise of His return I said the whole story to myself as though I were telling it to someone for the first time as I got ready for my day. When I got finished it was as though I came down to reality and realized that the story I had told was no story, and that the Father who was so wrathful, just, merciful, loving and so open to hear the cries of his children was real and here for me. I felt immediately humbled that Jesus would die for someone like me in all of my sin...that after all of the horrible junk and wrong attitudes I had been displaying in my heart that He still bridged the gap between me and God. He still was the atonement in my place, and still is. It amazed me again for the hundredth time.

Before this morning I had realized that I needed to change my mindset and how I was viewing my time and how I spent it. I didn't know how I could change it...so I asked God to give me a clean slate and just do and go where he wanted me to. Take it a day at a time. Just a day at a time.

With the help of my calender in my phone, I was able to write down all that I needed to for my week so I didn't have to keep trying to hold in my head. That helped tremendously.

Monday was my final for my class and so I am off for the summer! I was thankful for that.

As far as work has gone I didn't get any hours in this week at all...our store hasn't been too busy so they haven't needed me. It's been a bummer, but next week looks like it's gonna be better.

But in light of not getting enough hours I've been looking to see what I can do for a better way of income. For a while now I had been thinking about the possibility of teaching....

Now...I have to state right now that teaching has been an absolute downright, "No." for the past year and half or so. My teacher and family has shared very clearly that I am qualified to teach but I have been very stubborn and against it for a long time. The reason being that I don't care for the fine arts very much and I would rather do other things with art/crafts than teach painting.

For reasons unknown to me, I began to actually consider and get IDEAS for teaching art. I knew it was God 'cause seriously...I was so stubborn about not teaching.

But I had said, "When I feel confident I'll do it...and because I'm so against it I have this feeling God's gonna make me at some point."

I thought it would be a drudgery and that I'd do it because I needed money and all my other options ran out. But I've come to realize that it's not the way I thought it would be and am actually excited for the ideas that I'm planning.

The other thing I'm excited about is that I am finally doing something with my Photography. I rented books from the library and am actually studying. Something I thought I had no time for before. But nothing has really changed since I thought...nothing but my mindset of my time.

I see evidence of God's hand working in my life so clearly lately that it's kinda creepin' me out in a good way! I haven't been doing much at all...but somehow God is moving me along more than I've been for a long time.

Why is he doing this for me?

I've done nothing for him. Nothing at all...

I am humbled and in wonder of what he desires to do with me.

'Where You lead me, I will follow. Where You lead me I give myself away. Where You lead me, I will follow. Forever and a day.' -MercyMe

The Sky

2011-05-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

God totally used a couple of my favorite materials for one of his beautiful art pieces today.

-Blue Sky

-Setting Sun

-Scattered Clouds

Was one of those "Wow!" moments.

Stunning as usual, Lord. ;)

San Diego/Coronado Island trip!

2011-05-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

On our way to San Diego!!

Heth and Sam broke out into song and dance several times.

This is the bridge to Coronado Island!

Got to our hotel!

Shiny phone. O_O

This is Heather's Avatar: The Last Airbender dance! There is a scene in the series where Zuko and Aang do the dragon dance. She was sorta copying that idea. Lol!

Then Sammi joined her to do a different dance. Lol.

Italian food for dinner!

Shopping around!

DAY TWO.

SO jealous of this duck. He got to swim in this fountain thing in the middle of our hotel...

Yay! Going into the zooooo~!!!

Had to take this. It's a newer version of a classic picture. Ooh- let me get it!

Theeeere we go. =]

There is Sammi! =) She is Hippo!

Lots of hills there!

Num num num.

Lunch time!

Yuuuuuuummm!

There's me! I am Rhino. =)

Photobomb!!

Sammi's little afternoon snack!

This was how it was for ever big animal. If they were tucked in a corner the corner would be crowded.

The Koala's are so cute when they sleep!!! <3

Heth took this one. I thought it was cute so I had to share. =)

Later that night we went to the nearby mall and Hot Topic. Heather is a Pink Unicorn and since they didn't have any of those at the zoo, the hat had to do. XD

DAY THREE

Mom and Dad took us to the Hotel Del Coronado.

It was a good trip overall. =) Sammi was sick throughout it all and pushed through pretty good. We had a good time.

Things You Just Don't Expect

2011-04-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday to the day, AJ and I have been together for 6 months. My Mom goes, "Oh, you mean 8 months?"

It's true. AJ and I started to have a close friendship that became more exclusive a few months before we actually decided that it would be better for us to step into a relationship and trust God than keep trying to push it off and void it.

Through my relationship with AJ, God has taught me the most about how, no matter how strongly you believe certain things, He can always change you and your point of view. And that no matter how sure you think you are that things will happen a certain way, His will ALWAYS overrides it. Truly, being open to drastic change in our plans and lifestyles should be much more of a priority than always just trying to make things are better and easier for ourselves.

And yeah, I know I know. Bekka's gonna give some kinda mushy spiel about her boyfriend and all. But no, I don't wanna do that. I do want to share what God has done in my life through him though. =)

I received those roses, an orchid plant and a card yesterday. Individually those three things would've far sufficed! For those of you who don't know I collect the type of card he got me (Papyrus) and I love flowers. They really add just a special outside beauty that things inside just can't.

AJ has been one of those people in my life that you just don't expect God to bring to you. He has blessed me in so many ways I can't even express. He has been so selfless and has been such a servant for the Lord and toward me. He is so consistent and so dedicated and I see these things in particular as areas God is using him to teach me. =]

I thank the Lord for him every day and for the work the Lord is doing in us through this relationship.

Thanks for all you do, AJ.

'Let's flyyyyy~!'

What's an Effective Way to Be Productive?

2011-04-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

I know...you see this post and are like "Nope, not gonna read this LONG one!"

"I don't have the time to read this."

But once you exit out of the tab that has my blog on it, you'll probably go and linger around Facebook aimlessly, look at your profile pictures that you've looked through at least 100 times, go play a video game, watch TV show or YouTube, or think about how you probably should be doing your homework or making a meal right about now.

Well, this'll take maybe 10 minutes out of your very busy day and it would mean a lot to me if you would read this! =]

As I was sitting here eating Frosted Cheerios and reading Shopping For Time by the Mahaney ladies, I realized I really wanna share this stuff. These are all portions of the final chapter in the book that I've chosen. It has encouraged me tremendously and I hope that it will you too!

"...sitting for a few minutes each morning can considerably affect the trajectory of our day. We based this claim on a businessman's helpful little rule, the 15:4 rule:

Spending fifteen minutes thinking about what you are going to do before you start will save four hours of wasted time later on. Any individual who has thought through her workday, set priorities, and organized the day's tasks is likely to accomplish far more than someone who randomly moves through the day.

According to the 15:4 rules, when we deposit a few minutes into morning planning, we'll yield significant returns in time and productivity all day long. Besides, when we think about what we're going to do before we start, we can be confident we're buying up the best deals and dispensing the most helpful solutions.

Ignore this little rule, however, and we potentially throw away time that was free for the taking. Not pausing for a few minutes to plot our day's course is like running to the grocery store without glancing in the fridge or pantry or making a list. We arrive back home only to discover we forgot two items. Forty five minutes and one return trip later, we've completed our shopping. But imagine what we could have done with that extra time!

On the other hand, if we're faithful to plan first thing each morning, we'll conserve loads of valuable time. We may realize that our hair salon is in the same shopping center as the post office, or figure out that we can fit in an important phone call while walking the dog. Maybe we plan to study terms for a test while at the gym or finish a reading assignment in the doctor's waiting room. If we make the 15:4 rule a daily ritual, just imagine how much time we'll save in a month, a year, a lifetime!

Practicing the 15:4 rule opens the door to another productivity option. It gives us a chance to decide the best time to complete each task.

First, consider what optimal time corresponds to each type of task. For many of us, it is ideal to schedule tasks that require more intense thinking or energy (e.g., composing a delicate e-mail, preparing for a business presentation, scrubbing the bathroom floor, grocery shopping) earlier in the day, when our mind and body are at peak energy. Then we can relegate the brainless or less strenuous tasks (e.g., folding laundry, looking for new recipes, filling out forms, calling a relative) to the end of the day. This way, we are utilizing our physical and mental resources most efficiently.

Secondly, and perhaps even more importantly, it helps us fight that pesky enemy of peace and productivity: procrastination. Here's how it works. When you sit down in the morning and look at your to-do list, ask yourself, "Which task am I most likely to avoid?" then resolve to take care of it first. We know. It's hard to do. But these thoughts from Alexander MacLaren maybe help you view the unpleasant responsibilities a little differently:

No unwelcome tasks become any the less unwelcome by putting them off till tomorrow. It is only when they are behind us and done, that we begin to find that there is a sweetness to be tasted afterwards, and that the remembrance of unwelcome duties unhesitatingly done is welcome and pleasant. Accomplished, they are full of blessing, and there is a smile on their faces as they leave us. Undone, they stand threatening and disturbing our tranquility, and hindering our communion with God. If there be lying before you an bit of work from which you shrink, go straight up to it, and do it at once. The only way to get rid of it is to do it."

So what do we do when life messes with our plans?

...At these moments, this perspective-altering thought from C.S. Lewis can be of assistance:

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's "own" or "real" life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life- the life God is spending one day by day: what one calls one's "real life" is a phantom of one's own imagination. this at least is what I see at moments of insight: but it's hard to remember it all the time.

All the interruptions- they aren't interruptions after all. They are sovereign deliveries. The unpleasant things are God's perfect plan for our day.

These three simple principles can help us navigate uniquely busy seasons.

1) Separate the really-do-matter items from the really don't-matter-items.

2) Simplify the really-do-matter items where possible. "How can I make these tasks easier?"

3) Size up our limitations. C.J. Mahaney says "Only God gets his to-do list done each day. We are not God. We are finite creatures with serious limitations." It frees us to humble ourselves and draw upon God's strength to simply do what we can in busy seasons.

How do we deal with what needs to be done when all we want to do is sit down and cry? This simple poem offers comfort and counsel:

Many a questioning, many a fear,

Many a doubt, hath it's quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,

Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.

Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,

Trust them with Jesus, DO THE NEXT THING.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;

Do it reliantly, casting all care;

Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand

Who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on Omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,

Leave all resulting, DO THE NEXT THING.

We can do the next thing because we know that God orders the seasons of our lives. Even the most difficult ones.

Charles Bridges explains how [depending on God] works out in everyday life:

Take one step at a time, every step under Divine warrant and direction. Ever plan for yourself in simple dependence on God. It is nothing less then self-idolatry to conceive that we can carry one even the ordinary matters of the day without his counsel. He loves to be consulted.

In the end, our highest goal each day is not flawless execution of our plans or increased productivity. It's our relationship with God, walking in dependency upon him throughout the day. We should not be more consumed with the completion of our to-do list than pleasing and glorifying the Savior. Whether we're sitting down to map out our day, simplifying our to-do list, or receiving an interruption as a "sovereign delivery," we must, above all, plan to depend."

The only thing that I'd add to all of this myself would be that so often we think that, because our day is full, we have a tendency to respond to people who offer more to our schedule (i.e., time to hang out, an event they'd like you to go to, a favor etc.) by saying, "Well...I'm really busy." when in reality we may not be nearly as busy as "busy" can really get. We just don't want to commit or add something to our already planned out time. That time that we know we'd like to relax, or our "me" time might be sabotaged! We know our limits and we'd be miserable if we added it to our schedule. Or do we know our limits? Maybe, we think we know and we are just not willing to stretch or serve our friend or family member.

I know I am definitely guilty of this! I have spent pretty much the past 2 years or so saying, "I'm really busy." to just about everything, and it's been absolutely not true. I just have not wanted to serve or go out of my way to do the thing or go to the thing I was asked about. I have realized I've missed out on so much because I was not willing to stretch myself.

So my encouragement to you would be, if you have this tendency, strive your hardest to get out of this way of thinking! I think you will be blessed to truly find out your limitations and bless others by showing them how far you will go for them. =)

Thank you SO much if you have read this whole thing! It means so much to me!

Pink and White Flowers

2011-03-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

I got some flowers from AJ. =] I really like these! Just wanted to share.

50 Things To Do With Your Bandanna

2011-03-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

We went to JoAnn's to get some stuff for a project I was workin' on. AJ ended up gettin' this bright green Bandanna and went to put it on and found this list of things to do with it on the back of the packaging.

Click on this to check out some hilarious things to do with a Bandanna.

"For Now" Didn't Last Very Long!

2011-03-09T23:18:00.000-08:00

So thanks to a very kind childhood friend and his Mom (who work at Disneyland), AJ and I got to join our friends and my aunt and cousins on a Disneyland trip on Monday! It was very last minute but we (or at least I was) were so excited to join them!

They had already been to California Adventure by the time we got there so they were off to Disneyland! Of course we had to go on Space Mountain!

That's my cousin~! =3

Laughter! There's Brian. He got us in. =]

I noticed while I went through my pics that I had a lot of Jared posing for me...haha. He's just funny I guess.

Trying to listen to the radio...or squint because of the sun...or both. =P

AJ's planet!

Astro Blasters!!!! He beat me. =____=

Heehee~!

Not the best picture...but I got it because the guy in the back, in the orange, is Noah Munck who plays the character "Gibby" from the show iCarly.

Nika recognized him and Val asked if he was from the show and he said yes. One of the women with him then told us to vote for him for the Kids Choice Awards since he was nominated for "Best Sidekick".

Hehe.

There's a Mexican Restaraunt behind Big Thunder Mountain and they have this lamps. So I took a pic of 'em. =) Played with the contrast a bit. I love this shot.

Run, Jared! Run!

One of my favorite things about going to Disneyland is seeing details. Like, I stopped in Fantasyland and looked around and noticed a few things. Do you know where this is?

Haha. I spy.

How about this?

Peter Pan!

There's a little place by the Matterhorn underneath the Monorail that Val, AJ and I sat out near while the others went on the ride.

Then we went on Rodger Rabbit's Wild Ride! The lighting in there is fun.

I was bummed this came out blurry, but it came out lookin' kind earie but beautiful. =) Or least Jill is!

Green. =]

Oh noooo!

Poor Mark! He's so week in Toontown!

So it was a very fun afternoon. AJ and I later got Fritters over in New Orleans and they were delicious! Definitely want those again. And we all went on Thunder Mountain twice before the park closed and had a blast screamin' our heads off. Mark posted a funny video on Facebook of the first time we rode it earlier that day. =)

Thanks so much again Mrs. D. and Bri for letting us in! It was a blessing!

-----------

On a side note...God has really been teaching me to be patient. Life is not too stressed or anything...just some things are hard. But still trying to crush that poisonous pride like I talked about a while back. Always will be! But God is so kind and so giving it's amazing.

Thanks for readin'.

Field Trip to Work and WiiParty

2011-02-26T20:14:00.000-08:00

So on Friday I went to work with AJ! But it wasn't work for me because I was just with him so it was more like a Field Trip. Haha. He works for his Dad's office supply company. He's the delivery boy! So we went and made deliveries!

One of our stops was the dizzy building off the 22!

Down the tunnelllllll!!!!!

Lol.

We were by the Block so we had to stop at Krispy Kream!! =D

We had beautiful scenery during the drive. =)

This is just silly. Lol. He said something teasing and I made an angry face. He's in the middle of saying "love". Hahaha!

This is AJ's brother's dog, Daphne. =) She's a sweetie!

It was a very fun adventure. Later that night we had some fun over at the Miles with Nika and Mark. =]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other recent news, I asked Dad if we could get a new Wii game and he said yes! I knew exactly what I wanted to get. =]

We go WiiParty. And I was right! It has brought a tremendous amount of laughter into our home. Heth, Jared, Dad and I played the first round and rolling with laughter after playing it. Tonight these are the people playing right now:

Last Day in the Happiest Place on Earth (For Now)

2011-02-24T15:58:00.001-08:00

I went to Disneyland and California Adventure for the last time on Tuesday since my pass expired today. =(

I went in the morning when C.A. opened to get a ticket to World of Color since that was my goal for being there. It has been showing since June and I still had not seen it! After I hung out in the Animation Center I went to my class in the afternoon, ate lunch, and came back.

I should've gotten a picture, but I didn't think about it at the time. I hung out with one of the artists in Main Street and talked to him for about an hour or so. It was really fun! He has a comic of his own you can check it out here: www.spacebase8.com

After that I went to C.A. again. I saw this part of the billboard and I just love it. XD

Then I rode Screamin' and hung out on the boardwalk and watched kids (and adults) play games to win a prize. It was fun. =)

Then I just waited and waited and waited for the show...

It was very beautiful and I was in tears at how amazing God has made things to be, like water and colors. His glory shown through the whole show, even if most of those people watching didn't see it or know it.

I usually like to video tape the shows, but I wanted to get the full experience so I didn't. But at the end they had some of 'em going and so I just taped it so show you guys what it was sort of like.

That Perfect Timing

2011-02-15T23:43:00.000-08:00

Ya know how God has perfect timing?

And ya know how he puts those people in your life right when you need them?

No sooner and no later.

Yeah.

Why don't I have faith in His timing more often?

Do you ever feel like...

2011-02-10T14:42:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like no matter how often you try to engage, no one is listening (or wants to listen) to you, or anything you have to say?

Quiet and Waiting

2011-02-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

My heart and mind are somewhere else.

Off...away...gone...waiting.

Quiet, sitting on a shore where the sun is lowered beneath the horizon.

Where the waves of the vast ocean crash over and over again in a monotonous rhythm.

I hear...and I know...that a world of darkness is alive behind me.

I have tuned out the ringing voices that echo over and over again...

Even my own.

My eyes are turned away to stare at the calm water further in front of me.

Quiet...and waiting...

Quiet and waiting.

Different Desserts

2011-01-12T19:22:00.000-08:00

AJ likes to make me go in his car without knowing the destination he's planning on taking us. On this particular night (Monday night), he decided we were goin' to the grocery store.

What he originally had in his mind wasn't gonna work since it took preparation beforehand. So we decided to go down every aisle and explore.

We left the store with a totally different idea for dessert.

We found some French Crepes in the produce section and so picked out some fruit to have some fun.

I love how he poses for me. Haha.

He wanted a different fruit other than banana, so we got Kiwi. He said the tart didn't work out afterall.

Mmmm, yum!

Ice cream too!

They were super thin and kept breaking! So he used too and did what he could to get it in his mouth! XD

Om nom nom!!

Simple Reminder

2011-01-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

Went to get this at Disneyland today. I love it so much. It's a great reminder of some of God's amazing promises, and to praise him. =]

Conflict

2011-01-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

"Conflict with others is one of God's mysterious, counterintuitive ways of rescuing us from ourselves. God uses it to get us where we he wants to take us before we die. Because we don't usually think that trials can be used in such a positive way, this truth catches us by surprise. But it shouldn't. All kinds of suffering, including conflict with others, can be redemptive because of the grace of God. By redemptive, we mean that God can use conflict (as well as everything else in our lives) to defeat sin in us and make us more like Christ, with a love for him and others that reflects his nature."

-Relationships, Timothy S. Lane & Paul David Tripp

Days of Grace Then and Now

2011-01-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

I always like to give a big long post with tons of pictures and stories of events when a year is finished. But 2010 was definitely in my top 5 craziest years of my life so far. 2008 still beats all (you can read about that on my Xanga blog), but boy did God crush me with humility this past year.

I have shared SO much about romantic relationships for as long as I can remember now; realizations, convictions, beliefs and just things that I’ve learned and thought about them. At the beginning of this new year, 2011, I can’t tell you enough how foolish I’ve felt. I’m so thankful God has given me the desire to learn about relationships and all that it entails. But I am so sorry for how much I’ve judged others and have so foolishly thought I understood.

I thought that when I got into a relationship and got married that I’d really understand and would know what to share and how to encourage young women specifically. Although I think this is still possible, I definitely know that I have stepped back and am at a stage, where, when talking about relationships, I just go “They are such a mystery and God is the only one who knows how it’s really gonna turn out. No matter howhard you believe it’ll turn out a certain way.” If you give your all to the Lord and give him all the glory, he’s gonna bless you beyond comprehension. This, I know for sure.

I feel like I could say so much in response to my past posts since I haven’t posted in a while. But those posts are writings of the seasons God’s brought me through already. There are so many more to come.

So what seasons does he have me in now?

Well, mid-November, while I was buying a new jacket at Aeropostale (a store in our mall), I was really enjoying the friendliness of the girl at the cash register, and as she gave me my receipt, God reminded me to ask if they had any job applications. I wasn’t looking for a job there but I knew it was worth a shot. I had been so desperately looking for a job the previous few weeks that I had been taking a break from looking. She very willingly gave me an application and her and the other young man at the register both encouraged me to turn it in soon. As I walked out of the store I looked at that application and prayed, “God, I really think this is it. Please let this be the one.”

After the weekend, after one of my classes, I headed the mall to quickly drop off the application (I wanted to see AJ when I got home so I was hurrying). I han

ded it to the first person I knew worked there and she was hesitant at first, trying to make a decision, but told me that today was actually the last day they were hiring. She smiled and told me that I could join the group interview that was happening in just a few minutes if I waited. I was so excited! Right away I said, “Wow, God!”

There were about 15 or so of us and I felt I did very well in the interview and really liked the guy who interviewed us. Two days later I got a phone call asking if I’d like the seasonal job and was offered which times I’d like to start working (Black Friday was the first day!).

To this day I sit in the back during my break thinking how crazy it turned out. My manager (the one who interviewed me) has encouraged me a lot and, from the sounds of it, I may be keeping this job! =)

On the same day I got my interview, I went home so excited from how well my morning was going, and walked up to the door to find a bouquet of white roses on our porch with a note. =]

I stepped into a relationship with AJ in late October. Never has God brought me such an

encouraging friend who sharpens and challenges me on a daily basis and who makes me laugh so much as him. It has been a privilege to get to know AJ and see God working in his life. His desire to grow and learn and his striving for godliness are such a blessing to me. He teaches me so much!

He is a huge part of this season of my life. With a goal toward marriage, we’ve gotten the chance to talk about a lot of things and are challenged daily to trust and lean on the Lord for our future. We know he will show us the way he wants us to go!

Our daily activities consist of hanging out and talking, watching Adventure Time, going to Target, reading together or eating at Chick-Fil-A (AJ fell in love with their food and sweet tea a couple of months ago). =]

As far as school goes, this semester I am taking Japanese twice a week with my sisters and will be in IVC’s Women’s Choir again. =)

I am hoping that Aeropostale will keep me and that I might possibly find another job or way of getting some income.

Our God is a great God. I’m so excited for what he has in store and am looking forward to the next season he’s planned to bring me through.

What am I gonna learn next, Lord? =)

The Colors of Choices

2010-10-20T22:23:00.001-07:00

It would be an essay if I tried to share on here all that God has been teaching me.

In the past few months the one thing that I have been learning about is choices. Particularly choices you have to make regarding freedom/wisdom issues. Although there is still always a fight to choose between moral and immoral issues- it is usually a lot easier when it’s quite black and white in that way.

But colors? Colors that are always changing with the season?

I have come to really understand that as I have grown up I’ve been given a lot of answers that make sense and I’ve agreed with, and haven’t spent a lot of time trying to really figure those answers out myself when I had the option (though I think I have to an extent).

Along the same lines as colors, I was told step by step how to paint. My teacher would say “Put this color and this color together and it makes the color you want here, right?” she’d ask while pointing to the color I was trying to copy. Of course, it was totally right, and I couldn’t say no! I was learning about colors and didn’t have a clue what I was doing or any experience painting.

As I got older and spent much time hearing the same colors and combinations over and over again I’d see how they really did work. Each new thing she taught me, I strove to understand and learn. And I wouldn’t argue with her. After a while it started to make sense and I started getting it enough to where I’d go up to my teacher and ask “It’s this color and this color to make this, right?” and I’d get a yes most of the time with some sort of adjustment.

I hoped one day that I’d be able to memorize and know the colors well enough to do a whole painting on my own. I wouldn’t have to ask. And I knew that day was gonna have to come, and sort of looked forward to it.

Turns out that when my teacher confidently let go of me and let me go on my own I didn’t truly realize that all she had taught me wasn’t absolute. That there were other ways of doing things, that I could explore, and that other colors or ways had worked for different people. When I learned that, I became afraid of all the possibilities.

The same situation has happened with my parents and I.

I had been dependant on believing that all they said was the best and wisest thing (though I believe for the most part, as parents caring for their non-adult child, they did make wise decisions with me). I had read books about people who agreed with my parents (or they agreed with them) and although all the things I believed were very valid, and the basics were there, I became too concerned with favoring certain ways of believing things because they made sense and I just didn’t seem to understand that wisdom comes in different hues.

It is a huge blessing and kindness that the Lord changes us and opens up different ways and styles of painting to adapt to each circumstance and person.

For a while I didn’t really believe that. Recently, as I have struggled with truly trying to become an adult, and make choices to make a choice without it being wrong I have realized- there are basic principles. Basic structures and cornerstones to the Christian faith that we are to follow. Certain things that God has made clear are the right and wrong things to do.

He also has given us people to be considerate of so that we don’t selfishly do what we want.

I thank the Lord for my parents who have been so gracious with me as all three of us (plus my entire family, really!) are adjusting to my transition to adulthood. Our interaction is no longer teacher and student, but rather all adults. I still am underneath their rules and abide by the rules of the house, but everything else is now choice.

I still am figuring out how this looks since I am extremely new at it and am not confident and afraid to mess up. Afraid of criticism and constant critique of how I’m trying to choose colors.

But I don’t wanna choose colors that only I like. Which, I have a tendency to do, since this is MY painting and MY choice of colors. Or is it?

Haha, no. No it’s not! I get the privilege of choosing colors because an Artist far better than myself has a incredible plan for this canvas. =) And He’s perfect at what He does.

Best part? I have the Lord’s example-painting to follow.

It’s a painting of a man on a cross bearing my sin and shame and guilt, my mistakes, my failures. All to rid me of them so I can be living a life free of those things. I never asked that Savior to do it. I’ve never been worthy of such an act. But that’s the thing…He did it because His Father has this incredible love and thing called mercy. Simply unexplainable when fulfilled perfectly. For the glory of a God who thought of such an awesome thing as grace.

I want to get as close to that painting as I possibly can.

All of this to say? As I am trying to find the steps to be like this extremely complex and perfect painting, I’ve got to choose what I think the next step is that the Lord is calling me to.

God has brought AJ Greene into my life in what seems like an incredibly odd season to choose. To this day he and I are not quite sure why God chose to have certain events happen that have brought us to this stage. I’m sure to most people this seems like it could have so much complexity and foreseen problems. We understand. That’s why I’m posting this. Haha.

In light of the choices I have been talking about, he and I had chosen to spend quite a bit of time getting to know each other since he has spent quite a bit of time at our house anyway. It wasn’t anything set up. Wasn’t anything special. It happened that God opened up opportunities for us to be able to talk outside of chat or text. In person. Something so rare these days.

Essentially, we’ve come to find that we get along very well, are comfortable with each other, and have very similar values. And we came to a point where, because we chose to be close friends, had to make a choice.

Before we even had to really make any sort of choice for direction, he and I have had really healthy and good desires for our friendship. But we knew the possibilities of the outcomes of our current choices at the time and so we spent a lot of time in prayer asking the Lord to just direct us.

So many things have been weighed. Dangers have been pointed out, possibilities brought up, and pros and cons examined. And we’ve been very driven by a desire to not want to confuse those around us anymore.

In light of all of the things that we’ve weighed, of my parents graciousness, and some comforting words, we’ve chosen to step into a relationship.

We realize that one thing about us deciding this is that there may be many questions asked and definition. When it comes to that, we would really really appreciate so much if you’d approach us and ask us about it.

We are not labeling the relationship on either side of “Dating” or “Courtship” at this point. But we can say it has more courtship tendencies than dating. We wouldn’t be offended if anyone called it either or really, but definitely prefer to call it courtship as that generally has more of a serious attachment to it.

Previously, I think I would’ve felt terrible about choosing something like this. But these are the colors both AJ and I feel the Lord has led us to follow. And we are striving to hear his further instruction. By his grace we pray he’ll bless our efforts.

An Apology For You

2010-08-16T13:41:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been waiting for a while now to figure out how I can wrap all my thoughts together to create a post that actually makes sense and shares what I am going through. I can’t tell you how many millions of directions I’ve tried to go but ended up stopping, unable to say there was any sort of conclusion or end to it, or even that I could say without getting some kind response back. But as I was reading the Word today and praying and I realized what I wanted to say.

Just as often as God shows us himself in new lights where we get to say, “Wow, he is amazing!” and we get to share with others, there is the occurrence where we say “Wow, change is hard.”.

Sometimes change is hard because we are going through it…we aren’t used to what new thoughts God is giving us or new motives he is bringing to our hearts, or maybe very tight convictions that are being loosened. But just as often, change is hard when we are changing because someone else is changing.

Growing up I have dealt with a lot of judgementalism.

It was never a struggle to just talk about other people. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the pleasure I got out of speaking of others as I observed them was a perverted and sinful pleasure that was a complete sin against the Lord. Although I was proud (the other poison in my veins) that I thought I knew so much about people, God was not looking down at me pleased because I was telling people how messed up the person I was talking about was. I would love to temper down how descriptive I’m making my talks sound but I cannot soften these horrible sinful pleasures that I’ve indulged in for so long. To God this looks uglier than I could even describe, and I recognize that.

By His grace, he has grown me so much and I can see sanctification and convictions about those deadly “respectable sins”.

As I am growing up and having more opportunities to experience adulthood, forming my own thoughts aside from what my parents think, and going through my own very big experiences that teach me many things, I am realizing how I am very fearful of the way people think of me.

It is not so much that I will never do the things I want because I fear the way others will view me as much as, at one point, I sat down and thought about why I wouldn’t do certain things and realized it was because I would be doing the very things I judged others for doing or not doing, and told them so passionately not to do or do.

I have invested so much of my time into trying to understand a few things specifically; sibling interactions, obeying parents, romantic relationships, and using the time of your youth to your advantage and to glorify God.

I also have spent so much time forming my own convictions and thoughts about them. And, although I have had a very open mind about it and I’ve been ready for any challenge against my points, I have spent too much time thinking I’m gonna get this more right than others (again the pride thing. Trust me, it’s everywhere and ugly.). God has blessed my efforts tremendously. I have seen fruit from what I have striven to learn and do and I know that the things I have learned have been for good purpose. I am very thankful for all He has done in my life. He has been so incredibly faithful.

In light of God revealing things to me this is not so much a post about me sharing my heart as much as it is a post of apology to my friends and family. Too often my tongue has been used to sin in speaking ill of others, to place ideas that tear down the way a person thinks of another person, and to share experiences that I’ve had with people that God had for only my eyes and ears at the time. Instead of loving like Christ does I have despised (sinned) and judged (sinned) others’ areas of struggle and difficulties (sins) and am doing the very thing in a different form that I am pointing out. Sin. What right have I to say that the way God is moving, leading, guiding and sovereignly directing someone is messed up and they’re a bunch of dumb heads! I’m a dumb head! What am I saying?!

God…has broken me so much in this area. I have been so ridiculous and foolish! And I want to say that I am so…so sorry. I hope that anyone reading this will know that from the bottom of my heart I am so ashamed of what I have done and that I even still struggle with this. Please forgive me. You may not know if I have spoken of you wrongly, but if I have, I want you to know that I am so sorry for it. I know what it feels like to be judged and it breaks my heart to realize I do that to you just as much.

And to those who I have gossiped about others with, I am so sorry as well. I have contributed in tearing so many people down and I don’t want to do that anymore.

God has brought me to a point, especially as I have stepped out of this season with Jeremy, where all the theories I had before were put into experience and I learned so much from it. God is working on my heart. Culture, circumstances and people bring about change so much that there have been things now in my life that are challenging the things I’ve always challenged people about. In all honesty, it is the first time I am beginning to actually question my beliefs and to finally have the compassion for my other friends that I’ve wanted who have gone through this more often than I have.

I want my pride to be crushed and to know that we are all in this together as God teaches us the things we need to learn at different times and seasons of our lives. May we all encourage each other further to trust in the sovereignty of our Lord, and to find peace and rest in the cross of Christ.

I hope you all know how dearly I love every one of you, and how much I want to grow to love you better.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Sinners Being Sanctified

2010-07-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

There is so much that I could say on this blog to explain things…but there is only so much I will.

There has been a period of time where Jeremy and I have been a part. Lots of time that I have been able to think about our relationship, think about where it was, where it is, and where it might be going. There have been few things that have consumed my mind as much as my relationship with Jeremy. The issues on my heart were brought up to the Lord many times over and over. More than anything as I tried to figure out how I viewed what was going on between us, things I was concerned about, and where I needed to go from here I asked the Lord for direction.

Direction.

So often I have used the illustration of running the race of faith. That, as Christians, we oftentimes are walking in our journey when we should never be so lukewarm. We need to be running! With fervent passion as to win! [1Cor.9:24-27] We run with our brothers and sisters and as God brings into our lives those who help us, support us, encourage us, and who we do the same for, we keep going. Always keeping sight of the Cross so as not to stumble and fall over the things in this darkness.

I strive to run.

But what happens when I am not sure, on this earth, where I should go?

Where to?

There has been a point, where God has led Jeremy and I to a successful courtship.

Most would assume that that means everything is going amazing and that we’re going to get married. Few understand what the purpose of a courtship is. In the beginning, I didn’t either.

The purpose of our courtship, though we didn’t quite understand till later, was to step into a season in our lives where we were able to be a bit more personal with each other. Not for the purpose of just “getting to know” each other, but to see if there were marriageable qualities enough to actually get to marriage.

Time, evaluation, examination and direction has brought us to see that God has led us to the end of this season in our lives. We’ve been called to separation for the purpose of the need for growth. In both of us.

How is that successful? We fulfilled the purpose of the courtship. We got to evaluate both things in each other, and in ourselves, to see if we were ready to make such a commitment. God is opening eyes and working on hearts and is sanctifying both of us to full and lasting degrees.

So, am I without hope? Far from it, actually.

Am I to sit in sorrow and pain by this result? Am I to be angry with the Lord for bringing me here? Am I to do nothing?

I can.

I would.

I do.

Naturally.

That is why there is hope. I’ve been saved by grace, and grace will lead me home.

And it is there all the way in between.

So can I change myself?

No.

But can I change at all?

Yes.

Am I changing now?

Yes.

How?

By the never failing, ever enduring, always faithful undeserved favor that is bestowed upon me through Jesus Christ and his perfect life (that I could not live and fail in each day), his death (that bore my sin and shame I bear every moment), and resurrection (that He is sitting at the right hand of God being my mediator. Now).

More than anything right now, I hope and pray that my fellow brothers and sisters would not think or believe that this decision is a cause of foolishness and flippancy. But rather, something that meant more to me than anything else on this earth. That was something I took more seriously than anything I ever have. And am at this very moment praising God for and crying at my Savior’s feet for, believing that this is what he has called me to.

‘Where You lead me, I will follow. Where you lead me, I give my life away. Forever and a day.’

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, and perseverance, proven characters; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our heart through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” [Rom.5:3]

In the Swell of the Storm

2010-07-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

I have tried many times to start a post recently…and I have found I do not have all of my thoughts completed or finished. After a while I realized…I’m in the midst of being taught.

God does not want me to sit and write down about this season of my journey yet. He picks me up from my chair and leads gently me on until I am able to say “Ah! I see.”

Then I think…He will let me write. =)

They Were Telling the Truth After All!

2010-04-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

Dreaming of true love was something that I started doing once I hit at least 12 years old- if not 10! It was something that I thought about on a regular basis. Although I didn’t day dream about any boy in particular at first, I thought about what it might be like. It sounded wonderful and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! ‘Least watching movies about people in love did.

Every so often, growing up, I’d turn to Mom and go “Mom…what does it feel like to be in love?”

My Mom would reply, “It’s unexplainable. Next to salvation in Christ, falling in love with your Dad was the best thing I ever went through.”

I had to take her word for it as I had no experience at all and didn’t have anything but those fuzzy feelings to base it off. But really? You couldn’t explain it? You can pretty much explain everything! Why not this? How was it that good?

As I grew older and matured in different ways I learned to find practical things to look for in a future spouse, things I needed to work on myself, and any and every way to guard my heart and purity along the way. With my parents’ wisdom and much grace from the Lord I was able to go against much of the culture around me and not date or anything along those lines. I wanted to wait for my knight in shining armor, and I wanted to wait for him honorably and pure!

With this passion, I pursued whole-heartedly to go against the flow and to encourage the young ladies around me to do the same. And it wasn’t because I wanted to be “good” and do everything right, or that I wanted them to be doing it “good and right”! It was because we had an opportunity to be helpful to our brother’s in Christ (with modesty), and to love them by not being selfish in our relationships with them.

But most of all, I was passionate about this issue because I was fighting against my very flesh and nature. I knew what I wanted- and I knew what I wanted was wrong. I used that as leverage to fight the Spirit with the Flesh…anything that I wanted really badly I had to fight right away with the opposite of how I felt or was acting. There were times when I failed because I wanted something out of a relationship (maybe attention or closeness) that I shouldn’t’ve had at the time, but strove to grab anyway because I could. God was always so good to me though and oftentimes showed me my selfishness and drew me away from any obvious wrong desires that were blaring in my face.

I knew with every crush on each guy that I had growing up were just crushes. The older I got the more useless I thought crushes were and the more I hated having any kind of feelings for guys. I wasn’t able to do anything with the feelings and they didn’t help me love whoever I had a crush on better (they only made me more selfish and self conscious), or the way I wanted to. Until I was ready to step into a relationship to where I was legally able to set a goal (of marriage (aka, 18 years old)) I wouldn’t be able to do a thing about how I felt toward a guy I had feelings toward. Because of that every little crush that I had (however serious it was in my mind) I looked at as a huge burden and spent just as much time thinking about how I didn’t want to think about the guy as I did thinking about him.

But there was one guy…after I turned 18, that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t- and wouldn’t- let out of my head.

At 17, almost 18 years old, I went up to my Mom again and asked her, “Mom…what is it like being in love?”

My Mom replied, “It’s unexplainable.” again.

This time I had further questions, “But…how do you know?”

Mom replied, “You can’t really explain it. You usually just know.”

This still was of no help to me and so for the next few days I would ask her questions like, “But what do you think about?” “How do you think of him?” and “How do you know for sure?” And she’d graciously answer them and I listened to everything she had to say…

Until one day I turned to her and said, “Ok…I think I’m in love with Jeremy.”

While I was in counseling a few years ago, my counselee knew how I felt about hating crushes and how much of a burden to me. At one point she asked, “So when you turn 18 what will happen? Will you get to express these feelings?”

She knew that I had never told a guy that I loved him in that way (and never planned to anytime soon).

And I told her, “Well, I’ll be old enough to do something about my feelings. I won’t say anything right away, but I’ll be able to get into a relationship and actually take steps.”

I honestly didn’t think I’d be in a relationship a few months after I turned 18...and Jeremy had no idea that I felt that way about him at all.

The unique circumstance of Jeremy and my relationship is that this courtship process has been going on for as long as we both can remember. Jeremy has had feelings for me for as long as he can remember, and although mine are still fairly new, God had planned that it would work out this way. We weren’t betrothed, and after he had expressed his feelings when we were teenagers it was joked about us getting married- often. What would normally be the first few months of a courtship (the friendship level) has already been covered by our friendship throughout these years.

That’s why it didn’t take long at all before he and I told each other that we loved each other.

All of this to say?

The parents were right! Being in love is unexplainable.

I don’t think I really believed them until now…and I can say I honestly agree with them. I shared with my good friend Val that I thought I knew about guy/girl relationships and how they work…not fully, but a lot. Turns out I don’t know barely anything at all…and wouldn’t’ve outside of this relationship with Jeremy. God’s taught me so much I don’t even view my life the same anymore.

God always brings us through different seasons in our lives. Some are small, some are completely world-flipping. This relationship with Jeremy has been completely world-flipping for me. I’ve learned so much about myself, about him, and about what relationships mean and should and shouldn’t look like. And am still learning! I’ve also learned so many things that I want to share with those I get the chance to talk with! So many encouragements and things that I wish I knew before! How I still can be preparing for a serious commitment, the simple skills and thought processes we should be developing, and how to look at the male sex in a much better and correct lighting than we as women tend to do! ;)

And Jeremy and I know that we have definitely made lots of mistakes in this relationship. God has taught us through those too. It is difficult doing something as unique as a courtship and get it right...but we are learning and trying to do our best!

I really can’t share enough how amazingly blessed I have been to have Jeremy in my life. Not only because I get to love him the way that I do- but because he teaches me SO many things! The Lord has used him to point out so many faults and flaws in my life that I’ve been able to work on. And although being able to say sweet things to each other is nice, it means so much more when we get to learn together and grow in the Lord. I like it better when he tells me I’m doing something wrong than when he tells me I’m doing something right! Haha!

I wanted to share how much Jeremy means to me, and how beautiful and wonderful it is to be in a relationship that means this much, because I want to encourage all of my friends who are still waiting: it’s worth the wait.

And God will bless you if you grow in contentment and thankfulness for your position in life. I know that it is probably frustrating to hear it coming from someone who has someone special in her life, but I know what it feels like to be waiting!

Just know that God is working on both you, and the person who is meant for you, in so many profound ways just so that when you are finally united you’ll be able to be as perfect for each other as you are meant to be. If that person isn’t in your life right now it’s because God is working a work in both of you that just needs more time. He gives you the opportunity to step it up and work on things in yourself that you can be working on as you wait. And you’ll be worked on so hard even when you do get into a relationship. It’s a continual work that takes action- and action right away! Seize the opportunity to grow closer to the Lord so that you’ll be able to lean on him when really difficult times come- and when you’ll be going through them with someone else that you love!

‘How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word.’

[Psalm 119:9]

Thank you so much for takin’ the time to read this!

Poison in the Veins

2010-03-24T22:36:00.001-07:00

Pride= Ewwwwwwwwww.

I always did what was right because I knew that that was what looked the best, and what got the most praise. Growing up in a Christian home that (unfortunately) struggled with judgementalism, I oftentimes saw what was pointed out as wrong, and in order to not be judged- but rather praised, I did the opposite. If it meant that I would get praise, either from man or God, I would do it. It would be much better than the condemnation I might receive otherwise.

Again, to my dismay, I to this day struggle with my flesh and pride in wanting praise- and the true desire the Spirit gives me to please the Lord. I don’t doubt God has given me the grace in my life to be peaceful through hard situations…but I know that many circumstances, especially involving other people, I have striven to at least have the appearance of being humble because I know even looking humble can gain praise. I oftentimes have given God praise when really in my heart I either am saying it because I am fighting against my flesh that is saying “Well, you did do a lot of the work to get there though”, or because giving credit to God is right and true (even if I’m patting myself on the back inside.) Both are completely wrong motives. No matter what responsibility I took, all credit is due to the Lord.

Before a few years ago, I always had viewed pride as that obvious in-your-face haughty cocky attitude that you see in people especially in entertainment or athletics. And even if it was subtle, I even still thought that it was blatant and you just KNOW you are being prideful even if you won’t say it out loud. When I sit back and have to evaluate what pride looks like in my life I have to completely change my way of thinking. On a day to day basis…how do I deal with when I am doing well, or praise from others because of it?

Because of my desire to do what’s right (with the wrong motivation for praise), God has enormously and graciously blessed me with some wisdom. Despite the sinful motives we have, God really does bless those who seek His face, and for that I truly give Him all the glory that is due Him. While my heart is pumping at such a rate and seems healthy- it’s a lot harder to find the poison when it is creeping through each and every vein in between the way of thinking…But it is there- it is black- and it is working just as much as any sin in our lives.

Because of it’s subtlety I oftentimes ignore it or excuse it from actually being there. It’s only when small issues that I can’t deal with very well pile up in such a way that my heart begins to tighten up. For me personally it is just about the most frustrating and confusing position I ever get in. I HATE it. And I try not to use that word…but I absolutely HATE this process! Hate hate hate hate it. My body LITERALLY tightens up and I feel like I am holding onto something so tightly and can’t let go- but I have NO idea what it is! I become completely irritable and am constantly apologizing to the people around me because lashing out is unfortunately a side affect (anger…duh).

So what exactly is this process? Oh yeah yeah! I forgot sorry. It’s really God just poking at my heart and reminding me that my veins are pulsing with poison (aka, sin) and I need to recognize that the only way that’s gonna filter out in any way, shape or form is through the medicine that only God can give- known as grace!

So what? I just sit here and clench tightly onto just KNOWING about it?

It’s there!

Ugh!

It’s hideous!

Ugh I’m hideous!

Stop it already!

I don’t get it it’s so confusing!

I don’t even know what I’m upset about what on earth is going on?!

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

It really goes that like…sometimes for hours…a day…most of the time a few days. And unless I sit down and talk and listen with Jesus, listen to worship music, or read Christian living books I will be so for a LONG time. Yeah…the whole “I don’t even know what’s going on” part that I say to myself- Liiiiiiiies. I know what’s going on…I just forget!

Why?

Because it’s PRIDE!

Ha!

“Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m fine I’ll get over it. I probably have something to do with it, but I’m sure it’s mostly the situations around me”

Lies!

LIES I SAY!

The poison speaks?! O.o It really does though…poison, sin, the flesh…whatever it is you wanna call it, it has a very strong voice. When it’s that loud…where I can’t even hear truth anymore and am sitting in a corner plugging my hearts and clenching my fists- we have a problem.

The problem?

I’m not seeking the Physician for that wonderful healing power of grace.

I’m not getting that daily reminder dose of the cleansing blood of Christ.

I’m covering my eyes and making an image of my world that is completely wrong and twisted.

That’s when lies come in.

When the poison pulsates through my veins…

And when it affects everything I do so much so that I pull away from everything and everyone like they don’t understand…

A lot of the times, when God is working on me I use the term “crush”. During trials I just want him to crush me. To break me. So that I can see myself for who I really am and can just break down and see how much I really need Him. That huge reality-check. Lately this current trial has been very slow…and although I am still being worked on at this very moment, tonight I felt that needle- that initial pain- and then the peace of knowing I don’t need to be holding onto any unorganized pride. Oftentimes I don’t get to fully understand it…but I know that I don’t need to and that’s exactly how I end up letting go. Even things like posting this is me doing ‘the hard thing’…step in the right direction I think. =)

So what is the moral of this story? Well…let’s recap:

Sin is deadly and sneaky, hiding in the most unusual areas sometimes.

God’s grace is the cure for peace and safety from it.

It’s important to trust and let go and give it to Him.

When you see Bekka all irritated and confused…it’s probably because she’s being reminded of a shot that’s about to come…;)

But what is the lesson exactly for me…?

Oh yeah- I am a very prideful person. And by God’s grace, I humbly admit it. =]

Lord,

May Your name be lifted up this day. May your face shine brightly through what you teach me, and help me to grow and have the beautiful privilege of having a glimpse of that light shine on me. Please grant me the grace I need to be humble and to fight against the pride that infests my very being- and help me to remember the wonderful blood of the Lord Jesus that was spilled in my place so that I can even say these things! Holy Spirit when temptation comes please be there to speak to me- louder than the voice of my flesh. And most of all Heavenly Father please please be glorified this day! In the name of my awesome Savior, Jesus.

Amen.

Someday my prince will come…wait- he’s here now?! Seriously?!!

2010-01-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

There are just about a million things racing through my mind as I try and start this post…but I think the first and foremost would be: God is AWESOME.

In every literal sense of the word; the word ‘Awesome’ has become less of a slang ‘cool’ word and become as big as it was originally intended to be for me in the past few weeks.
The beginning of the year, and the beginning of this month was preparation time (although I didn’t know it of course!) for a huge season I was about to be thrown into. After a talk with my parents one night the responsibility of the choices you must make as an adult came crashing down on me, and it came to the point where I was so broken I could no longer even look at myself in the mirror…

It took me the whole Sunday, being quiet and not saying anything, and waiting as the Lord chipped away at me, removing masks that I so wrongly placed on myself, and making clear the canvas of my life. I was being completely humbled and was realizing that it was time for me to change…and change a lot.

I was ready to start changing by the end of the night. I didn’t know what it was gonna look like…or how I was gonna do it…I just knew that I had to do something, even if it took me years.
Weariness had taken over me, I had been broken, and I was sorry for being discontent and stubborn with my position in life. I could never truly share what was going on in my heart and mind, all I know is that all of those weary thoughts were ripped away that day.

The next night, my parents called me into their room after going out to dinner to tell me…a young man desired to step into a courtship with me.
Mom told me to guess.
I said I wasn’t sure.
“Ok! If it could be any guy in church who would you want it to be-.”
“Jeremy.”
“Ok. =)”

The reality hasn’t hit me even to this day really…but that night especially I went to bed with a thousand emotions raging inside of me. I would laugh quietly one second, and start crying the next. He wanted to talk to me…and I had to respond.
I was overwhelmed.

The impact of this would never be fully understood by anyone outside of our family…and it is even more of a big deal to the both of us.
But I can try my hardest to explain…

My family and the Benners have been just about the closest friends since our Mom’s were pregnant together with their second children. We were not but 2 and 3.

Growing up together was a give-in since our Moms were best friends.
For me, I was the only girl amongst 3 boys: Jared Briones(my cousin), Brian Deyarmond and Jeremy Benner. We grew up together, our Moms hung out together all of the time and we were all each others closest friends. There was a point, when we were around 12 years old, when we started to find our paths and began to separate in different directions- but our childhood was spent for the most part hanging out at the other’s houses and seeing each other all of the time, playing video games, legos, or watching movies together.

To help the next season make sense- I have to explain how Jeremy just is.

Growing up, he wasn’t exactly the nicest person to hang around…ok- he was a brat. His attitude stunk for about 80% of the time, while the other was the rare moments he would be just happy and pleased where he was at. But for the most part he was a difficult boy who was disrespectful and oftentimes was not considerate of other people’s feelings or intentions.
I was only close with him, essentially because I had to. I jumped on the bandwagon with most everyone when he started to really play piano very well in finding it annoying and oftentimes tried to push him off it whenever he’d sit at anyone’s house to play because I knew that many people didn’t like it.

One night…after church (when we had it on Saturdays) when we were about 12 and 13, he pulled me aside and very seriously told me he had something he wanted to tell me. I was immediately worried because of the feeling I got coming from him, and so finally proceeded to follow him into another room as he showed me a song on the piano he had been working on. After a bit of hassle and a lot of discomfort I finally got him to stop and talk to me.
There was pacing, wracked nerves and quite a bit of silence before he finally turned to me and confessed his love for me.

It was completely unexpected and was very dramatic. I tried to remain as calm as possible and just walked out saying, “Ok.” When I was out of sight I broke down and wouldn’t stop crying that night until I fell asleep.

This probably happens to quite a few people…at least the whole confessing of the feelings, but for me, it was serious, he was serious. It was WAY…too serious.
The reason why it had such an impact on me was because of the seriousness of it, and the circumstances. We were young, why would he say that if we couldn’t date or go anywhere with it? Not to mention I didn’t feel that way toward him AT ALL, and could not understand how he would even try and assume that I did!

For that reason…I essentially didn’t look at him or speak to him for at least a whole year after that. I saw him all of the time, our families hung out together the same, but it was a big deal and both of us were hugely affected by it. In fact, to this day it is probably one of the biggest life-changing seasons of our lives.

The time in between then, and now, has been a beautiful piece that God has been writing. Although…we wouldn’t exactly say it felt great to be IN it at the time…Through every season and every corner we’ve turned in life God has grown both of us in many many ways since that night.

In order to not bore you any further though, I’ll skip to January of ’08. It was the time when Jeremy was noticeably changing. And it wasn’t just me who saw it- it was everyone around him. He was generally happier, and just silly and pleasant to be around. God was working on him, and working on him hard. He was changing a lot.
WorshipGod08 was that summer and the only way I could go would be if he could…and it was the first time I was ok with that.

July came and we went! We spent 2 weeks together with the parents, and God was already touching our hearts and working on opening the friendship between us again. One night we got to really talk about it, and learned how it had really affected us and how we had changed a lot. After that trip a lot more had changed.

Jeremy and I got to know each other better after he went off to college and we spent some time chatting online, and there were only a few times we sat for a long while talking on IM after I turned 18. But overall- I oddly only needed a few brief conversations with him for me to know that we just really ‘get’ each other in the most abnormal way and that he really was my best friend now.
Feelings were still never exchanged or spoken of, and I knew that by that time he had no clue that I had some pretty darn strong ones on my side. It was very untouched and quiet as we were still growing, and I knew nothing could happen between us so I was determined to just build a strong friendship with him first. Fortunately God was already establishing it without me realizing it!

It’s not really for me to say since this is MY blog, so for anyone who reads this, ya might wanna ask what HE was thinking throughout this entire walk we’ve gone through. It’s so much more interesting. Haha!
But needless to say, he thinks too much, and spent hours on end thinking and deciding what step he wanted to take- and eventually he chose to come and find out if I was willing to take a step forward. He didn’t know what my response would be…but he took the step anyways.

Good thing too! Haha! I only needed a day to think about it, and even then I was completely over-thinking. I said yes!

6 months ago…if you had told me that in the future I would be in a relationship with Jeremy Benner, I would’ve laughed. Only because I have been teased about eventually marrying him since the night he confessed his feelings.
If you had told me I’d be in a relationship with him in 6 months I would’ve stopped and stared.

The most shocking thing to me is timing. But ya know…God is ALL about perfect timing. ;) And the further I talk with Jer and the more we share the more I realize how crazy and perfect it really is. It’s orchestrated so much better than we could ever do ourselves.

There are so many more things I could say about what it’s been like, and the things that I’ve learned, but that aspect is still so overwhelming…and maybe you can ask me in person about it. =)
The surrealness of it remains, and as I sit here and continue to think of it I am still amazed that the season I have been waiting for for as long as I can remember, the season I have been working so hard to keep my heart for, is here, and I am actually going through it.

Best part? I’m going through it with my very best friend.

Things couldn’t be anymore on the same page. And I must admit, I was not expecting to find my Prince on this one. =]
But oh look- our wonderful Lord is being full of grace again! How SO much like him…and how so much like me to doubt his ways before.

Our God is AWESOME.
All of the time.
In every way.

Makes me- well- both us, have such a desire to please him with this relationship. And we pray and hope that we will. Your prayers would be so much appreciated as we walk through this new and incredible season together, and I hope you know that I’m sure you will somehow be a part of it too! =]

Sincerely,
Bekka

For My Race Toward Holiness

2009-12-16T00:35:00.001-08:00

Procrastinate:

–verb

1.	to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

Why couldn’t this be a GOOD thing? If it were…I’d be pretty much pro at it.

As I was finishing my laundry tonight I wanted to be reading something while I was sitting in front of the dryer for the last 10 minutes. So I thought about it and decided I wanted to pull down my small notebook that I had left out during my graduation, and remember what people wrote in it.

While going through a valley, God likes to use the smallest and least likely things to bring something to your attention. That happened to me with this.

As I was reading all of the many kind words people had written to me, I began to realize the expectations of other people I had formed throughout my years of growing up, and especially my years in school. So many of you wrote kind words to me and encouraged me by telling me that I could do great things when I grew up.

But why was that? All of you who wrote in it gave me the answer.

And no, none of you wrote “If you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything.” Or “Keep dreaming and just have faith in yourself.”

Those weren’t the answers at all.

In fact, essentially I was told that I couldn’t do it by myself at all. That the strength to get things done, and to do what I both need to get done and want to get done didn’t have anything to do with me.

Seek the Lord, lean on the Lord, and trust in His promises.

‘The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.’

Psalm 145:13

When had I forgotten that?

For me, trusting in God’s sovereign will is one of my very favorite things to do. At times it is very hard…but most of the time I am so glad that He is there for me and knows what’s best for me. So whether I am in an awesome time in my life or going through a very difficult trial, I know that whatever I am going through, this is exactly where I need to be.

But to be fully honest, these past few months have been one of those difficult trials. God has not felt far away. I can worship Him and praise Him and lift up my voice to him.

But I know that I have most often said,

“I know where I’m at now Lord, I don’t like it, I will talk with you about it tomorrow.”

To come back to what I originally started this post with…I have lost many opportunities to sit and be with my Lord. And it has been due to my unfaithfulness…not His.

‘The word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does.’

Psalm 33:4

For a long time since we had moved to our new house I was quiet and kept my thoughts that were building up- to myself. Finally one night my parents came in to talk to me and I exploded with so many wrong feelings and attitudes, but they were true none the less. As I sat with my Mom at my side encouraging me, I finally asked her,

“When we say that God is faithful…what does that mean? What is he faithful to?”

And Mom graciously answered smiling,

“It means he’s faithful to keep his promises. Even when we don’t keep our promises, God is faithful to his and will always be there.”

I had never stopped to ask that, and that night helped me understand what it really meant.

So…even if I am unfaithful to love him with my whole heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22: 37), He is still able to make all grace abound to me (2 Corinthians 9:8), His compassions are still new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and his faithful love STILL endures forever! (Psalm 118:29).

I have procrastinated since I have graduated in more ways than one. And the first person I need to apologize for that is the Lord. Because putting off anything and loosing the opportunity is wrong of me, and not something to be taken lightly.

The second people I need to apologize to are my parents, who have graciously kept me under their wing and have laid down such reasonable rules for me as I stay in the house as a young adult, and yet I have been slacking off so badly.

I’m sorry for that Mom and Dad…

All of this is really for something much more. My life completely changes when my God is not the center of my world and when I have pushed him aside to be complacent.

I have had hard feelings towards my peers recently and have separated myself from them for a long time now.

Reading all of the notes in my graduation notebook reminded me again of how much I cared and loved them and how I had lost that genuine care and had replaced it with bitterness and irritation toward their actions.

I know it is not my place to tell my friends what to do, and if I could I would genuinely want to encourage and gently reproach (Like I hope they would me). But I knew that it wasn’t possible if my heart was in the wrong place…and so I waited.

“Waited” became procrastination.

I didn’t seek the Lord to get the answers I needed. I didn’t go to the Word to see how I needed to change my heart. I wallowed in it and waited as if it was going to change on its own. There were times when I asked the Lord to help me…but it wasn’t with much effort.

All of this is to say that I am so tired of loosing opportunities and throwing some of the most important things in my life for later.

I want to mainly apologize to Joy, Jared, Stephen, Izzy, MattR, and Laura.

But really to all of my dear friends whose life I’ve been involved in. I’ve not been a good friend nor have I had most of you in a gracious place in my heart like I should, and I want to change that.

I had shared with a friend before…that I had held onto my pride for so long and with such force that my muscles literally had begun to tighten and harden when judgmental or frustrated thoughts about you all filled my mind. And I’d begun to see an overflow of that and am really recognizing how horrible I have both acted and been sounding! I knew what I was doing…but the full impact of it didn’t hit me until I realized that I was filling me with me…and I had had those expectations from my loved ones on my graduation day because the Spirit was in me! Not because of my accomplishments…but because God was choosing to use me in the lives of others in ways I hadn’t even known, and it was such an honor to see that Jesus was seen through me!

The other night I just prayed based on a song,

“Can You fill me up? I’m dying inside for something real!“

And that’s just how I feel! I need God’s grace and his kindness to soften my hardened heart! I’d forgotten that I cannot do it alone, and I cannot wait and sit around! I need to be seeking and praying and asking for the Lord’s help!! Those are actions that I need to do NOW! Not tomorrow!!

So…I wanted to publically apologize for my procrastination that has been consuming my life in so many more ways than one.

I love you all so dearly…and just like that day on my graduation I would cry all over again to let you know that I truly and really mean it!!

And so I want to ask you all to please forgive me for being so completely selfish and actively loosing this war that rages inside of me…

Please continue to help me grow to be more like our beautiful Savior, and join me in my race toward holiness.

A New House!

2009-11-05T13:36:00.000-08:00

Hey whoever is reading this! ^^

So we are now officially moved into our new house! Yaaaay~

When it was about a week till we had to move we took a trip to Ikea to check out some beds and stuff! And of course, I had to take pictures of Heth with certain furniture because no one was there at night on a weekday, and Heth is just too darn photogenic to NOT take pictures! lol!

AH!!!!! It's faling on meee! AND it's pink!!

She was just tall enough...

Later that week we had some very sad news, and the mother of a family we had known pretty much our whole lives, and who is in our homeschool group had suddenly passed away. It was a very sad thing and all of us are still praying for their family and their two teenage kids. =\

But the day after, I think my Mom was looking at pictures on their blog and saw how they went to Disneyland often (I ran into them one time), and so she wanted to take the day off to go out together. So Mom, my sisters and I headed over there to spend the morning together.

After a few rides they wanted to go on the Haunted Mansion since it's all spruced up for the holidays. I don't normally go on the Haunted Mansion because it kinda disturbs me, but I had just recently seen The Nightmare Before Christmas for the first time and so I was willing to go on it again. I ended up liking it! Especially since I like the movie. ^^

Of course we had to stop at the little vender to check out all of the cute stuff! Sammi ended up getting a scarf, and Heather saw this adorable stuffed animal (but she skipped).

Then we finally got the keys to the house! YAAAAAAY~~~

But the BIG bummer came when we realized the house was not as clean as we were expecting, and we had some MAJOR work ahead of ourselves...

Good thing we had tall dusters!!! =D

There's Grampy, workin' his tush off.

Well at least GRAMMY is. ¬_¬

We were working all throughout the week, and one of the major projects was painting the 3 door garage that reaked of smoke!! Good thing we had lots of friends to help out! =) Thanks guys!

And of course PHOEBE can't paint without getting it all over her friends! =] Silly girls!

And of course they had to just sit and chill in our parents new awesome bathtub. XD

The poor Mom's had a HARD time gettin' rid of some nasty dog smells throughout the kitchen tile. =\

Sammi is enjoying the stairs in the meantime. =)

More painting!!

How can you have stairs and not try sliding down them ya know? lol. Again...Sammi enjoying the stairs. She's our 4 year old trapped in a 14 year old's body.

MORE painting.

But this time we have music! =) Courtesy of Jared!

Oh gosh I was scrubbing these disgusting garage doors with Simple Green, Dad finally sprayed them with the Simple Green and then go this preasurized hose thing and sprayed em down. It was pretty gross...

Of course, gotta have proof that I was there. Here I am, holding a paintroll adpator! Very valliantly I might add.

Another day we needed to move the fish tanks! This was either the day before the moving day, or 2 days before... (I think 2). We wanted to get them done. So Dad, Uncle Alvin, Jared and Jeremy helped out with that.

In the meantime Bubbles was makin' sure she wasn't missin' out on the action...

And also in the meantime- we were movin' the kitchen!

Auntie Crystal takin' a break while waitin'. =)

I put myself in charge of the garage STUFF that my Dad loves to accumulate (it's no joke), and there are so many hidden treasures you find after going through so much stuff. Like Dad's old cassette taps.

You find items that have been in the hands of family members when they were your age! Like this tape tha tsays "Jesse+Stan 12/88". =] I haven't listened to it yet, but it's totally weird to see something that was made when my Uncle was 10 and my Dad was 23!!!

Then finally the big day came!! It was long...but it went extremely well and I am so thankful for my church body for all of their help! You guys are wonderful!

Mr. Rupprecht was there to help! lol!

Matreeeeeess!

And of course...one moment it's a moving truck....

The next it's a playground.

The next day was Sunday, and after a very good church service we headed to the old house to clean it like crazy!!

Well...I knew I would sneeze around dust- but that day I found out I am actually ALLERGIC to dust. Anyone who is allergic to say cats (which I am also), will know what I am talking about. I pretty much spaced out for a bit layin' out on the floor trying to breathe! It was not fun...

We have not officially said goodbye to the house (we still haveta get our turtle Pokey!), but it was fun to see memories on one of our walls. We have markings of our heights and these are our current ones. Although...I'm pretty sure Sammi has grown by now! =) She's gonna pass me up pretty soon here!

We are still unpacking boxes and tryin' to get all schedules all situated. But God was good, and although there are still problems that occur he brings us through them only by his grace, and it makes everything worthwhile. =)

Have a great rest of the week! Check out my Facebook for more updates about myself and my family! I may be updating again soon! =)

For the glory of God and your viewing pleasure,

Bekka

Keepin' it Up

2009-10-08T00:36:00.000-07:00

So what's new with Bekka?

Since my last post God has brought me through a roller coaster of a ride. And the best way I can sum it up is this: Communication.

Which of course...as most people know, is just about my favorite thing. Best part? It's all been GOOD communication.

Ya know...I've learned that sometimes there are things that God does in your life that are just so life changing, yet, only you can understand the value of the change in your life. You, or maybe a person you experienced it with.

Before all of these little "communication events" began, I would often times pray for people and care about what was going on- but not the extent that God taught me now.

First of all, the value of a life. A lost soul. The power of prayer for Salvation.

For most Christians it is easily understandable when people ask for you to pray for a friend who does not know the Lord, but it never fully hits until you yourself have a dear friend who is so dear to you that when you think about their dying soul you actually, literally get sick.

Realizing that you've done all you can, and said all you can say, and now it is ALL and completely up to God to intervene? It's put the verse about "keep knocking" into action in my life.

And because I know how it feels so strongly, when people ask for prayer for someone they know I am trying earnestly to pray for them. We have the very gift- as children of God- to plead to him for salvation to those who do not know him. It's an amazing privilage and should never ever go to waste.

Secondly, friendship. Similiar interests. Mutual understanding.

(This is a picture from one of my favorite anime movies)

To this day...God has been bringing me through a very long time of trial as I have not had a best girlfriend to call my own. I cannot say that he's not provided me with wonderful close friends, but it has been a very long season in life where I have not known a girl who has been able to share equal values and similiar interests. Patience and prayer are constant in this area, but God is definitely teaching me a lot. Especially as he is even bringing the most unexpected friendships back to life. =)

And then finally, compassion. Caring for others, and loving them like Christ loves us.

(I actually got this result on a pretty fun Facebook quiz, lol, but I love the picture)

Although I could definitely say this goes with the first thing I've learned, it has been hugely exampled through my love for my family. As I look back at the past events of my life, I shared with my Mom how I am completely taken-aback by the work of the Spirit in me.

For a long time it has been a huge weakness for me growing up, to be compassionate and loving toward especially my sisters. Our relationship- however close- still had many bumps in it, especially when it came to arguements at home.

But even in the past few months I have grown to have such a love for my sisters, I have seen that God has answered my prayers (however few they were) to learn to be kinder to them and love them more. His grace has overflowed on me and it literally trips me out sometimes how different I both feel and talk toward them.

This is something that actually makes me cry it brings me so much joy. And I can freely boast of Christ's work in me- because it is nothing- honestly nothing- that I have done to get to this point. It's all God, and I praise him for it.

I would love to go into details about this though (and if you've read this far I congratulate you). My relationship with Heather specifically in the past events has grown to an extreme. She's accepted me as her big sister (Haha, she did before but this time she called me it) and has really let me step into her life to try and give her that encouraging boost some of us need once in a while. =] She and I both got to talk with some of our very close girlfriends in whom she needed to communicate a few things to, and we did. It has been absolutely crazy to see how God has placed certain feelings in each of ours and our friend's hearts all at the same time lately. =) He is so good!

In other news I am going to stop working at the Art Center by the end of November, since they are needing to let me go for financial needs for the studio (gotta pay for that nice over-head!). So I am currently lookin' for ways to earn money. I've got a few ideas, but I'm really counting on the Lord to provide for me. I didn't even want the job I have and he totally had the door wide open for me so I trust him completely. But gotta look for jobs now! =)

In other other news, we are MOVING!!! D= *gaspeth* It's truuuue! The Waks and Briones' are moving to Fountian Valley in the next few weeks. I honestly wish we could move like- TODAY. But that's ridiculous. Lol. I just want to organize my room so badly and stop having stuff and boxes all over the place!

In the new house I'm gonna be sharing a room with Sammi! =) She doesn't take up much room so she out of everyone is the best roommate. Plus we already get along so well it should work out just fine.

(Cover of the game)

Then finally! I got another part of the game series that I absolutely adore. The new Kingdom Hearts game came out last week and I've been playing on the DS for hours now. I could totally explain to you why I spend hours pretty much only on this series, but you'd have to ask me about that one. Haha. =] But just wanted to let you know how I'm super excited about this game!!

Alrighty well I think this post is long enough now...if you read through it thank you so much for caring enough to read it and take the time to, please please comment if you did so I can know and maybe talk with you too!

For the glory of God,
Bekka

p.s.

If you'd like to see, I have my animation art on this site: http://www.followingtheson.deviantart.com/

Fightin'!

2009-09-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

Hello whoever is reading this!

All I gotta say is that I AM SO STINKIN' EXCITED!!

And I don't know why on earth now- but I don't think I've ever been so stinkin' excited to see such awesome results of grace in my life. GAH! It's so awesome!

I don't think I'd like to share any details- all you need to know- is that God is smashin' down some pride! OH YEAH! And not only that but the Spirit is also teaching me so much about myself and how I work!

>.< / *waves arm frantically* I'm not gonna let you win self! You won't get away with this!!!

[/end rant]

For the glory of God,

Bekka

A BIG Project

2009-09-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

Today I started my comissioned painting! Since I FINALLY had some time to work on it!

What's the assignment?

Turning this...

Into this!

That's right! Fear iiiiiiiiiiit. It's JINORMOUS! 48x60 to be exact. =]

So, I took off that shiney reflecting wrapper and started!

I did not get any shots during the process because- hey! I'm BUSY!
But Bubbles did join me once in a while to hang out.

The process took about...2 1/2 hours I think for me to get to this point. It was very hot if you can't tell...and ya know, in the meanwhile as I go through the house Heather's students and their sibblings are lookin' at me like "Woah...crazy hair." Hahaha!

But yay! Step one done! Now it'll take about 5 days to fully dry and I'll be smackin' some more paint on it then! =]

I had fun with it though! A LOT of paint!
Haha, and as I look back at this post it looks all like...fun and exciting. It wasn't as exciting as the pictures make it seem. XD Lol! Just me gettin' a project done...WOO!

For the glory of God,

Bekka

D23 Expo- Day 4 = Animation and Disapointment!

2009-09-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

Last night I was really contemplating whether or not to go to church in the morning because I was afraid we were gonna miss the session I was looking most forward to. Which was on the new animated movies coming out, with John Lasseter! In the end I had to follow my conscience and go to first service then head over that way. I felt much better after I decided this and knew it was what the Lord wanted me to do. I was expecting not to make it.

But how faithful is our God? And how kind is He?

When we got in the line, I was totally expecting not to go in, and even though I was disapointed I was really ok with it because God obviously didn't want me to go. The anouncing through the speakers apologized and said "The session in the main Arena with John Lesster, is now full." He did say that they were gonna try and do what they could to get the people in line in, but we were pretty far back.

We didn't have anything else to do so I said we should just wait, and I prayed. Can you guess what happened? We got in!!! At the end tail once again of the people going in we finally got to our seats just in time to see John Lasseter start to talk! It was so awesome! I was very thankful.

So! Top awesomest things?

In it's original style, and front inspiration from the books, they are going to be making a new Whinnie the Pooh movie. =D

Cars 2 is going to come out next summer, and will be about McQueen doing a race around the world. And Mater will be dealing with elite spies in the meantime.

Toy Story 3 looks amazing, and we got to see the trailer for it! Ken is going to be in this one!! Haha!

Rapunzel looks pretty interesting! All three of us aren't sure how to respond to it, but I think it's pretty cool that Mandy Moore will be her voice. I actually really like her voice. =]

And of course, the Princess and the Frog still looks amazing- although we are quite through with seeing behind the scenes stuff and just wanna finish the whole stupid movie! Haha!

Lots and lots of cool stuff coming out in the next 3 years, it's going to be amazing.

RIGHT after getting out of the Arena after this show, we walk right back into the same exact line to wait for the Wizards of Waverly Place show that Nika and Heth were particularly looking forward to. This time we're sure we're gonna get in.

And we did! =]

The whole crowd of screaming teenage girls was a very different feel than all of the other sessions that were full of mostly adults. The crazy fangirl mentality was oozing all over the place and it was both somewhat annoying and entertaining at the same time. The cast was loving it.

In short, they talked about some stuff, let the Q&A go out to the people, a several girls asked for hugs, very few actually good questions, and a girl asked David Henrie to marry her with a ring. In which he totally allowed her to and gave her a hug after she bent down on her knee and proposed. Haha, yeah.

After this we were going to wait in line for the autograph signing. We looked for the end of the line only to ask a Cast member and find out that it was closed- 2 and a half hours ago!!!

Nika and Heather were EXTREMELY- EXTREMELY disapointed, and I was too to a certain extent. This was what they were waiting for! So- I wasn't mad but I certainly wanted to let the Expo know how I felt about what was going on. So I headed to the information desk to give some feedback and ended up talking with a lady about it.

I totally understood that this was the first year, and that they probably did not realize that there were going to be so many people, but at the same time as D23 members I think we should at least get some line benefits or something. I explained to her that we weren't upset and that it was just very disapointing when we had been there the full 4 days and then all of these little kids and teenagers come in on this particular day just to get in front of all of us and sit specifically for this. It was just a major bummer.

She totally understood and wrote it down for me and shared some of the things that she noticed too. So she was understanding and it was good. I know for big things like that it's important for them to get some solid feedback, especially for the test run. =]

So, with time to spare and the movie just starting, we decided to head upstairs to the 3rd floor to watch "Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure". I wasn't expecting much, but in the end I really enjoyed it alot!

And so ended our time at the Expo! The Pavillions closed and there was not much else to do, so we headed out.

I was very ready to go home, but extremely sad that it was all over and I have to wait another year to experience it all again. But I am so thankful that God allowed me to see what I saw and do what I did this weekend. It was an amazing experience, and completely unforgettable.

Well! I hope you enjoyed reading my updates for this Expo! I really wish I would've been able to post more pictures, but my camera was taken away from me half the time so that was difficult. But I hope I got enough in for you to at least get the feel of this amazing experience! =]

The best part for me, is that the Disney magic doesn't stop here, and I am very very excited to go to Disneyland again sometime really soon.

Have a great week everyone!

For the glory of God,

Bekka

D23 Expo- Day 3 = Theme Parks!

2009-09-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

On Saturday it was just me and Heather in the morning while Nika was at her auditions. This day the main session was about the theme parks and resorts! It was the only time we got to actually bring our phones and cameras with us!

There's a good one of Walt and his daughters. =] Talking about what I was saying in my earlier post.

This was our host for the day, the Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Jay Rasulo.

Many awesome upgrades in Walt Disney World are coming up for Fantasyland! I am so jealous!

The Princesses are all going to have their own lands that YOU get to visit THEM at! =D It looks amazing!

And they're also making a double Dumbo ride and expanding it! The line is going to have carnival games so it's not even technically like waiting in line!! BRILLIANT!

Later on that day we went and listened to the grand-nephew of Walt Disney, Roy P. Disney share some memories he had. This is a picture of Walt and his brother Roy (Roy P.'s grandfather). Roy did most of the financial things and it was really a combinational effort on both their parts for the opening of Disneyland.

Roy P. is on the right.

It's gettin' there! =] Can you tell who that person is on the left?

The rollor coaster that's going to be in our very own Cars Land in a few years looks like it's gonna be awesome. They said the take off is gonna be faster than Screamin'!! I have a clip of what the beginning of the ride is gonna look like (they showed it to us!), so I'll have to figure out how to share that. =] But here is me with my favorite Cars characters, Luigi and Guido! X3 "Pit stop!"

I have to write down that this day was particularly difficult, as all 3 of us were tired toward the end, and a bit of strife came amoung us later in the day. So it was by God's grace that everything worked out in the end and He was so kind as to help us to love each other even when it was really hard (and when you were starving). Haha. =]

So another awesome day over! Now to the last day in which the girls were particularly excited about!

For the glory of God,

Bekka